Hello ,
first of all I really think you should be easier on yourself, its ok to get upset sometimes and have these feelings, its important that you recognize them though , and you did which is the first step to doing anything really. Second of all , maybe its time you calm down and reconnect with yourself and what you truly want , try to remember why you wanted this dream in the first place, what you thought it would feel like to have it in your hands. Try to go back to the beginning and remember what made you think of it in the first place, I’m sure you are doing something you love and that you are 100% sure you wanted this , but people change and so do their dreams, so maybe its that you dont want this thing anymore , maybe its not all you dreamed it would be ? Or maybe you forgot why you wanted it and thats why you need to remember why , write it down so you can keep yourself motivated to do this everyday and to motivate yourself to open a book and study because you will remember every second why you really started this . Money will come and go don’t tell yourself that you cant pay it off, if it is your destiny no matter what happens the money will work itself out. And don’t think that you have lost your purpose because if you had no purpose you would not still be on this planet. Remember you are here for a reason , you are going to do something only YOU can do , nobody in history ever has or ever will do what you have come here to do, and nothing and no one will ever stop you from accomplishing what you want . You would not have a dream in your heart if there was no way to accomplish it, its in there for a reason. So try your best to keep looking at inspirational things and keep your head up you might be in a struggle now but you will get out of it just keep telling yourself you are strong, and you have everything already IN you to become what you were suppose to be, just be silent , listen to your heart and remember who you are and why you want what you want.

Dear Hannah,

I realize that the current situation isnt simple at all and my heart goes out to you. There are a lot of elements out there –

1) Money to pay rent, funding of your research – using the overdraft
2) Body issues and the clothes
3) Financial instability of two jobs
4) Lack of focus and direction along with isolation
5) An increasing desire to shut yourself out

These are all pointing to one thing – impending depression state but believe me, its highly preventable and treatable too. I can gather that you live alone and perhaps that doesnt make thing easy either.

I too live alone and go to uni – dont have many friends in the city, have had a serious history of depression, have gained weight over the year, have massive self-esteem issues and feelings of being a fraud towards my parents. The question – How to deal with it?

The answer is “Routine and organization” to make sure you dont stay cooped up all day, stay well-groomed, make it a point to interact and do things you used to enjoy in order to have some balance. I meditate a lot these days and its probably the only thing that gives me a great deal of inner strength to get up, put on my clothes, try not to hate the weight and acne, smile anyway and just go. I try not to live too unplanned and messy because i have seen it tends to trigger long phases of depression and anxiety for me. I listen to a lot of positive hypnosis podcasts before i sleep – take care of my skin now instead of cursing it.

Plan your days – do atleast one fun thing once in a week – for me its going on the bus and seeing a new part of the city (like an art gallery maybe), 3 hours of calligraphy, lunch with a good friend – believe me, you are not going to get anywhere in a state of unhappiness, messy oily hair and self-loathing. Somewhere down the line, its all uncertain and ever-changing but here’s the thing –

This too shall pass

Lots of love and strength,
Moon