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Finding a husband is the end

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  • June 8, 2018 at 5:53 pm #211717
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Growing up, my parents wanted me to pursue my dreams and hobbies (kind of). Now that Im older, they wanted me to be married and have grandchildren. They make it seem like finding a husband is the be all and end all of all things and the key to happiness. And their idea of married like is: working to support the family at a stable job, cooking dinner, sometimes going on famoly trips, staying home and relaxing.

    I dont mind the prospect of marriage to the right man but I dont want my life to become so dull after that.

     

    my parents are critical of anyone who doesnt follow this same schema. They say “why are they on a diet and doing sports, they should be finding a wife. When theyre married, theyll stop caring about their looks because it is a waste of time”. “Why is she having life problems (anxiety, depression, low self esteem)? All she needs is a husband, then her problems will solve themslves!” I find that in relationships, i tend to look for the other person to solve my problems and end up being wrong because no one is capable of this! I dont understand what my parents are preparing me for and am confused! Why cant they stop pressuring me to marry and follow a certain lifestyle and stop pursing my dreams? I dont mlmd marriage but as I said, it is only a slice of life.

    June 9, 2018 at 2:47 am #211731
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear RedDress:

    It is amazing to me, when I think about it, how anything a parent says to a child is Truth, to a child. No matter how senseless, illogical, untrue. What parents say is so powerful to a child because a child sees her parents as gods, all knowing, all powerful. When we grow up, having the same brain with these early beliefs recorded in it, we keep believing what they said and say to be truth.

    Even when we doubt what they say as teenagers and adults we still believe it, at the same time. And then we act in our lives as if what they said and say is… Truth.

    It is a process for a person to separate oneself from the teachings of the parent, to figure out for oneself what is true and what is not true.

    I suppose it comforts your parents to believe that marriage is the cure for all. It makes life simpler, for them, makes life seem simple. It is as if they say: you have a  problem? No problem, just get married!

    And by the way, cooking dinner, going on family trips and staying home and relaxing, any of these things doesn’t read dull to me.

    anita

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