I’m really trying to work through this, but feeling stuck.  When my friends were younger – and most of them having children and I was single, I always did my best to hang out with them, or offer to take their kids so they could have a date or an overnight or just have some headspace.

When I finally got married at 42 and was blessed enough to have a child I found myself in an awkward position.  My friends children are all grown up and they no longer have the same pressures as when your kids are young and you are trying to work … Now I sometimes find myself in the same situation they were in when their kids were young… needing a hand to help out sometimes. Lord knows I’d love to have a date night or a weekend away, but anytime I’ve asked any of these friends if they could spare a night or an afternoon, I’ve only heard no, sorry too busy or whatever. I feel hurt – and maybe a bit used, like I gave so much and they don’t or can’t see that I didn’t do it because I thought it’d be fun to hang out with their screaming toddler for a day, but that I did it because as a friend, I knew they were in a tight spot or needed some extra support.  It hits hard especially when I’ve asked for help, gotten rejected and then a few days later said friend texts to say, “oh my husband is out of town and I’m feeling lonely, what are you doing this weekend?”  I mean REALLY?   I do understand people don’t need to say YES,  even though I find it very hypocritical that someone could sit in front of me and talk about how so and so never helped out when her kids were young, but she is doing the same exact thing to me. So now I never ask anymore… and I feel a simmering under-the-radar kind of resentment towards these friends and I feel even worse that I feel anything other than plain old acceptance for this lack of reciprocity.  My mother always said, don’t do anything for anyone with the belief that they will do the same for you some day… Only do things you really want to do because you want to do them with no expectations…  She was right of course. But I need to get unstuck here… Any feedback or words of wisdom?