June 23, 2014 at 8:18 am #59395
I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year. He’s sweet, he loves me, and has a great heart. I don’t know if I love him back though. I started dating him rather quickly after my last 7 yr relationship. I care about him, he’s great but…
It doesn’t help that I ran into my ex recently who basically told me he wanted to spend his life with me. He tried to kiss me but I dodged it. My heart is with him.
I also left the area where I live for the summer. I made my bf cards when leaving but I didn’t feel a strong connection making them. I miss my ex and feel for him. I’m confused, my head likes the way my current bf is. My heart wants the past love.
Hopefully being alone this summer will help. I’m just torn.June 23, 2014 at 10:31 am #59404MattParticipant
Sometimes when we feel pressured to love in a certain direction, it quickly dries up whatever affection would bloom there. Consider that you’re free, dear sister. Free to love who you love, free to be with whomever you choose. You have no obligations, intentions and feelings shift and change. If you have to break up with the old bf, such is the way of love sometimes. If you have to say farewell forever to ex bf, and all that passion and chaos, such is the way of love sometimes.
One of my teachers said that these forks are always coming. Usually, most often, one is deciding from fear, and one is deciding from love. If we take the love fork, our regrets melt off us as we know we’re doing our best. But which is the loving path? Which one is the fearful?
And that’s the mystery, right? Are you afraid the current intimacy is a dud in your heart, and are looking to escape into ol’ reliable passion bomb, with the same old chaos and tearing that lead to the breakup in the first place? Or, is your heartsong aimed at the ex because you two are “meant for each other”, simply loves him, and wishes to try again… with the hope of it succeeding this time. Or close?
Consider that matters of heart take a tender and patient touch, which makes this time away fortuitous indeed. Sometimes, when we simply rest with the question (such as “May I unweave this mystery of Sassy’s heart, find the space to see clearly”), and then get on with what is in front of us (till the soil, carry the water), the connection to the moment gives us the space, and the answers blossom on their own. The path we want to take lights up, feels fresh. (And not “loin fire”, such as sexual yearning, rather, its in the chest).
Finally, consider that love is far to often regarded as a burden, conflict, heavy. “What do I do with my love”, feels like “which tattoo will I forever be marked by” rather than “do I try to make a boat and set sail with this friend or with that friend?” Consider it gets easier. For me, when I am in nature, listening to the birds, the water, the wind… just breathing, appreciating, it becomes much easier to see what I enjoy. This over that. A robin’s song over a bluejay song (is that even a song?). Purple flowers over red. Simple. Sure, it might not be “who do I want to spend my life with”, but its a great start!
Namaste, sis, may your heartfelt wishes come true.
MattJune 23, 2014 at 12:06 pm #59409MikeParticipant
It seems true that you don’t love him enough to have a long term relationship or even continuing it with your current boyfriend. However with that said don’t go right back to your ex either without really considering what you are going through. It seems that after a certain amount of time after a breakup we seem to forget all the reasons why the relationship ended and when the situation presents it self to reclaim lost love we jump all over it. Later we say, “what was I thinking? It is all happening all over again.” I had seen on the television show, “how I met your mother” Ted wrote himself a letter to be given to him by his bestfriend if he was considering getting back with his ex. The situation arose and he was love struck again and his friend gave him the letter that he wrote to himself and sadly I can’t remember exactly what happened I think there was a plot twist, but the lesson is a good one we seem to get relationship amnesia. If you went into your current relationship fast then consider taking a break from relationships, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk with your ex maybe you will remember why it didn’t work before getting back into something with him. Give yourself the break and try dating other guys. There is no reason you should feel you need to rush.June 23, 2014 at 3:22 pm #59414
Your last part made sense Matt. I just sometimes feel like I don’t know myself.June 23, 2014 at 3:23 pm #59415
Thank you mike. You brought up a lot of great points. I appreciate the outlook.