Hello,
i’ve been following and recurring to tinny buddha and it has always been an amazing source for reflection and guidance. However, I’ve found myself in a very specific situation i can’t quite seem to figure out, understand and manage. Ill try to be quick, a few years go while i was living abroad I met a friend, same nationality as me, and we connected very well. During the time I broke up with my ex, after living together for a couple of years, it was very difficult time, and the presence of this friend was a huge support for me. She returned to our country before me, and we remained connected, loving and celebrating of our friendship. When I returned, we continued being the best of friends, hanging out, working together, having fun and supporting each other which in every aspect of life. I left again, then came back for good and during these past six months the way I feel has changed for me. Meeting her in a different and our “real” context, Ive seen some aspects of her personality I don’t really agree with. To begin with, the negativity, codependence, economic instability, constant drug use, laziness, lack of sensitivity, manipulative, but still a loyal friend. I helped her economically, loaning her money, including her in projects, amongst other things. Being with this friend was an intense, sometimes hectic, very fun, but somehow I ended up feeling empty inside, I felt drained.

Basically it was a gut-feeling, something I could not quite put my finger on, something I felt. I had the chance to leave the country again, where I was able to find silence and understand my thoughts. I took my time, took a leave of absence from social media, imessage, etc. I checked in a couple of times but I have to recognize i did take my time off without any explanation. I then explained to her one day, when she asked, that I needed silence and was somewhat tired of the negativity and intense dynamic surrounding our environment. Since then we exchanged a couple of short, cordial emails and thats it.

Ive reached out a couple of times, through email, and she stopped replying, knowing her I think I won’t hear back as she is so radical and “strong”. What I am dealing with, and what Id like advice on please, is dealing with the guilt. I guess Ive been going around through my head, and I don’t think I could have behaved differently. I was very overwhelmed, tired of the negativity, the drugs, and i had to get out. I understand it might be time to move on, I think I am ok with it, as I don’t want to engage in this lifestyle again. I want to deal with the guilt and understand and accept the situation, but its becoming hard for me. i guess i just want to know if anyone has lived through a similar situation and has any advice.
It feels like a breakup with a boyfriend.