The older I’ve gotten, the less I feel I have a purpose in life. When I was little, I wanted to be a movie star. I did theatre in high school and eventually chose it as my major in college. I really enjoyed acting, but always felt like I was too busy with school work to explore it outside of my curriculum. When we began learning about the entertainment industry I started to feel like I’d made a huge mistake. I did not feel cut out for that world. I met my boyfriend during the first semester of my senior year, and he was so supportive and encouraging. Even though I wasn’t entirely sure acting would work out, I felt like I should try it because he believed in me more than I believed in myself. Upon graduating I acted professionally for about a year, and while I usually had fun on set, the lifestyle wore me thin. I worked a low-paying, flexible job that made me miserable and was constantly losing sleep watching my inbox to see if I’d be needed for a gig the following day. Because I was having trouble saving money and wanted to find better work to sustain myself, I quit acting.

In October of last year I found a slightly better job through a friend, and while it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life, I have learned some new skills for my resume. But many aspects of my job are prompting me to look elsewhere.

On top of all this, my boyfriend is from the UK and we’re beginning to make plans for me to move over there in about two years. At this time, I’m nearly 24 and still living at home to save money. I feel like I can’t begin my own life until I move out on my own, but (1) I don’t know where I’d move (most of my friends are in the New York City area but the cost of living is way too high for me right now), (2) I don’t qualify for many jobs because of my major, (3) I have zero idea of what to do with my life, (4) and I want to spend as much time with my family as I can before I move abroad. I’m applying for any job I am even remotely qualified for, but have had no luck so far. I have no real passions or hobbies, and most of the time I feel directionless and stagnant. I wrote a novel for fun last year but the more I look at it, the worse I feel about it, and the less confidence I have in my abilties. I’ve thought about doing so many things just for fun but always find a practical excuse not to follow through. I don’t like risk. I don’t like attention. I don’t like competition. How am I supposed to get anywhere in life? I feel like I’m destined to coast through my remaining years, never having achieved anything because, beyond having a family someday, I have no aspirations for myself anymore. I don’t want to tell my future kids that they can do anything they want, and then hear them say “yeah, Mom, but what did YOU do?” Do I have a purpose, and how might I discover it?