Hi everyone, it’s kind of shocking that I’m even posting this, but I don’t know where else to turn, so here it goes.

I’m a 34 year old gay man, and up until two weeks ago I was in a great 2 year long relationship with a lovely guy.  We met through a mutual friend, had lived together for nearly 18 months, we’ve traveled together, know and love each other’s families, it looked like everything was going fine.  Last fall he took a short term job out of state, made some new friends, and started working 12-15 hours a day. Despite this we always took the time to talk, for hours a day.

This May he took another out of state job, in a state and place we both love.  I can work from anywhere, and went with him there two years ago, it was our plan to be there together and I even signed a lease on a place there, packed up my house, and was ready to start a new life with him there.

About two weeks after he arrived there, a friend caught him on a hookup app, I checked his location, and he was sitting at a rest stop, this was at 2AM.  Looking back, I should have ended it right there, but I forgave him for this, and stuck to the plan. We talked it out and even took a week’s holiday over the 4th of July to see each other, I thought everything was ok.

Except that after the 4th was over he disappeared.  It’s now been nearly three weeks since we chatted, the last thing he said to me was  “I love you.” I can still see him on Find my Friends, so I know he’s going to work, going home, going out on the weekends and staying at bars and houses that aren’t his own until all hours.  He always obsessively texted his new work friends (who are where he is now), so I can only guess he’s out with his friends and dating there.

I can’t believe how much this hurts.

The problem is, I really don’t have any close friends or family to help me.  I’d love to distract myself, but I don’t have anyone to do things with. I’ve tried to reconnect with some old friends, but I struggle with opening up to them–I don’t want to make this their problem.  My family isn’t supportive of me (they’d see this is payback for being LGBT). So I’m facing this all alone. While he’s out building his career and having the time of his life, I sit all alone in our old house.  It seems so overwhelming, and right now all I want to do is sit at home and cry and compare what I’m doing to him, no matter what everything seems hollow and pointless right now.

I have no idea what to do next, but I know I need to do something.  I can live anywhere, and make enough to afford a place in any city I want.  But I’m just stuck right now. So here’s my question, how can I put this hurt behind me, and start a new life all alone?

Thanks all!