Goodbye is easy but how to Really let go?

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This topic has 10 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.

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October 30, 2017 at 7:42 am #175645

Sonakshi
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I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It started as I found out that he lied to repeatedly about something, so that he could do something he promised me he wouldn’t do, behind my back. But after that, I found out a lot of things that he had been hiding and lying about for more than a year. That’s after the fact that he cheated on me, broke up with me in Feb 2016 and didn’t tell me about her being the reason, I found out on my own and texted him that I know. Then he texted me vicious mean things instead of apologizing. Two weeks after that he was begging for forgiveness and asking for a second chance. Me, being so innocent and believing his words, gave him one.

I know I did the right thing letting him go. He was a liar and manipulative and toxic. But I still cry and he seems to be doing totally fine. Going on trips, etc. It’s like the 3 years that I loved him honestly, he was just faking it all. I am heartbroken. I still want him to atleast care about the fact that he did wrong and that he lost me. But he doesn’t. I wanna let go of him entirely. Help.

October 30, 2017 at 8:12 am #175699

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sonakshi:

The way to let him go entirely, I believe, is to accept the painful reality that many people do wrong and do not regret it. They may not notice or care. We do invest our time and energy with people who move on and our investment produces no results for us, no return on investment.

Better make better investments in the future. Better study and evaluate who is this person we are getting involved with. Is he honest, trustworthy, reliable?

Learn from this experience. People don’t … get it right the first time. Many don’t ever get it right because they refuse to learn.

Will you learn, and in so doing, move on?

anita

October 30, 2017 at 10:25 am #175743

Lea
Participant

Hey Sonakshi,

I can relate to your story, what helped me along my journey is complete no contact, don’t check up on him, don’t inquire about him, don’t go to his Facebook (especially Facebook). I was once told the advice that the ex is now a drug, and you’re battling a strong addiction. This is not an easy process as I still struggle with it, but that is what he is, a toxic addiction. Breaking free takes time and persistence but you can do it! You deserve better and will get better. Also you said he “seems to be fine”, we never will know what he’s thinking or what facade he is putting out and projecting. Think of it as a bad dream, you are finally awakening,

Best to you, Lea

October 30, 2017 at 10:50 am #175749

Sonakshi
Participant

Dear Anita:

Thank you for taking the time to read about my situation. I know you are right. I just have to accept that not everyone I meet has the same heart as mine. I am learning the lesson this heartbreak is trying to teach me. It’s just so painful to see that the guy who talked about a future with me, who I saw as my forever, probably never loved me and is not at all affected by losing me. People may not be all good but I loved him beyond anything. How could he do that to me? I didn’t deserve this. Acceptance is difficult when your heart is bleeding from heartbreak.

October 30, 2017 at 10:57 am #175753

Sonakshi
Participant

Dear Lea:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand my problem. I am glad someone knows how I feel. Your words ring so accurate. I should stop checking up on him. It’s not going to do me any good. The thing is that I have never hurt anyone in my life intentionally. Never even taken revenge. I try to be a good person. I just wonder why good people go through so much pain while people with bad intentions, like him, get to be happy. He’s not crying every day; I AM. I feel my insides brimming with pain. I gave him so many chances. I looked at the good in him but I guess it was all fake. Because a good person won’t hurt someone who loves them, again and again. My true love didn’t deserve the dishonesty and betrayals he gifted it. I wish time would go by quickly and I am healed. I wisb God, or Karma, someday make him realize what he did and what he lost. One can hope.

October 30, 2017 at 11:14 am #175765

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sonakshi:

You wrote in your last post: “The thing is that I have never hurt anyone in my life intentionally”. I was wondering: did you ever feel angry at someone? If you did, when you felt angry at that person, did you momentarily want to/ intend to hurt them, to cause them pain?

anita

October 30, 2017 at 11:17 am #175769

Sonakshi
Participant

Dear Anita:

I am human. Yes, when hurt, I may sometimes think of hurting them back, but I have never acted upon it. I know my heart and conscience. I respect them. I wouldn’t let someone else’s behavior or actions turn me into someone I am not.

October 30, 2017 at 11:23 am #175777

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sonakshi:

In your post to me before last you asked: “How could he do that to me?”- well, you answered your own question, didn’t you: that at least at times when he mistreated you he did so because he felt angry at you and he acted on his anger.

anita

October 30, 2017 at 11:29 am #175781

Sonakshi
Participant

Anger at what? My unconditional love? My undying devotion? My blind trust? My support for him? If he was angry, he was angry at himself. That he didn’t love me but pretended he did. Because I never gave him a reason to be angry at me. Even after he cheated, I gave him a second chance. You think it was easy? Everyday something reminded me of something he did in the 5 months he was cheating on me. But even then I had trusted him and didn’t see the signs. I am strong. You know why? Because I went through hell for him and because of him. But I survived and didn’t let my heart become cold. I gave up now because I realized that he didn’t deserve more than one chance and I gave him plenty. He showed me his true colors. If he did all this because he was angry, well I can guarantee you that it wasn’t at me and his anger was for himself because he knew he didn’t deserve a good and loyal woman like me.

October 31, 2017 at 12:08 am #175835
VJ
Participant
Dear Sonakshi,

“I still want him to atleast care about the fact that he did wrong and that he lost me. But he doesn’t. ”
This may or may not be possible. By wanting others to think the way we want we are only trying to pose an impossible expectation on others (or in turn on life) and I’m sure you are aware of this.

“I wish time would go by quickly and I am healed. I wisb God, or Karma, someday make him realize what he did and what he lost. One can hope.”
Again, this (making him realize) may or may not happen. This is because we do not know why this occurred. Was it your past bad karma that caused this incident to be returned to you? If that is the case then what he did to you has now been nullified by Karma.
OR if it was he who was really doing his bad karma then he will get the results of his Karma at the right time.
But we do not know whose Karma was it. Only Life/God/Karma knows it. So we better leave it to that and not expect something to happen (things like he should realize etc.)

“I wanna let go of him entirely. Help.”
The good thing is you have now come out of the situation. But yes the situation/person is still in the head, stuck in your body’s energetic system. You are not able to let go of it/him.
Chant the below as many times as you can to break the karmic link with the person/situation. Either mentally, loudly or softly or however it works best for you.

Format: I _______ FORGIVE YOU _____________, YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.
Example: I FORGIVE YOU , YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.

Best Regards,
VJ
- This reply was modified 7 years ago by VJ.
October 31, 2017 at 7:54 am #175879

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sonakshi:

When your ex boyfriend texted you “vicious and mean things instead of apologizing”, he clearly felt angry. I suggested he felt angry at you. Your asked: “Anger at what? My unconditional love? My undying devotion? My blind trust? My support for him? … I never gave him a reason to be angry at me… If he did all this because he was angry, well I can guarantee you that it wasn’t at me and his anger was for himself because he knew he didn’t deserve a good and loyal woman like me.”

In your original post you described yourself as “being so innocent”, a person who has “never hurt anyone”.

In comparison to you, any man, any person pales in degree of goodness, of innocence, of undying devotion. That in itself may cause even a decent, loving man to feel angry at you.

anita
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