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Growing Up: Learning How to Cope with the Brokenness in this World

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  • May 27, 2018 at 2:34 am #209587
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear A:

    You wrote: “I am not eager to continue witnessing what life has to bring; there is so much brokenness”- I agree, of course. Is there anyone in this world who disagrees, I wonder. I would like to read from such a person. When people watch the news about the brokenness elsewhere, many imagine the brokenness is over there, but the brokenness is here, there and everywhere.

    Dysfunction, waste, injustice, abuse, these are everywhere. Effective functioning, wise use of resources, justice, kindness, these are the exceptions, not the rule.

    My suggestion to you, as it is to me: find pleasure in witnessing the exceptions, what a relief it is that there is such a thing as effective function, wise choices, kindness.. how good it is to know that some of it exists here and there. And then, add to it: function well, use your resources wisely, be kind to others, avoid those who are unkind to you.

    anita

    May 27, 2018 at 5:19 pm #209659
    A
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you. I have tried that in the past and it worked temporarily. But lately, it feels like the negatives overwhelmingly outweigh the positives. I don’t know how to manage my frustration when that tactic no longer works for me anymore.

    May 28, 2018 at 4:30 am #209699
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear A:

    It may be that in your personal life, currently, you are suffering from mistreatment, disrespect, deceit, maybe in a relationship with a family member. Maybe the mistreatment, the deceit is covert, subtle, but still there. If this is happening, then such a relationship needs to be resolved.

    Without such a resolution all efforts, such as trying to change your focus  (as I suggested) are bound to be temporary at best.

    anita

    May 28, 2018 at 7:24 pm #209819
    A
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It is not a current relationship, but rather a buildup since high school. I have been in too many fake friend groups who have taken advantage of my altruistic personality, body, money, and skills. I enjoy making people happy but, I am not doing it out of confident issues.

    The way I try to live my life is like this: I am a Christian and I genuinely want/enjoy loving people and trying to be understanding. When I am at a content state (which is majority of the time), I enjoy focusing on how I can help others.

    I reached a breaking point. People have consistently used me/don’t see how much I go out of my way for them. I’m expressing that last part not because I want credit, it’s because I’m only one human; I can only do so much. They begin to treat me horribly if I don’t give them what they want (usually because I can’t at the moment or need my own time for self-care). My best friend once explained to me, “It’s because you are such a giving person that once you stop doing it, they think you’re acting out of character.” I’m tired of people not caring for me and in addition, throwing a fit when I can’t hold their hand. I feel like people only care what I have to offer and don’t care about my wellbeing. Once I can’t help them, it’s like I’m not even a friend to them.

    I started living by a new rule: Give without any expectations. But, the twist to it is, I will only do a favor if I accept I will not get mad if they treat me like crap. Because of this, I don’t bend over backwards as much anymore. It has helped immensely but, I am tired of people who throw fits now that I won’t do as much for them anymore. I have prevented 3 people from killing themselves, personally subletted other peoples’ apartments for them (made the ads, talked to potential tenants), set up poor people with solid jobs (helped them physically draft their applications), etc. I’m tired. I have met too many people who get mad at me if I can’t fix their problems. They ask for more and more. I’m fine with giving but, I can’t do it anymore haha (temporarily). I try to remove myself from the situation and they still find ways to haunt me with their instability and stress.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by A.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by A.
    May 29, 2018 at 1:46 am #209855
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear A:

    You wrote: “I don’t bend over backwards as much anymore”. I say, don’t bend over backwards at all. A non-human, perhaps a saint of sorts, may be okay with bending over backwards, that is, giving and giving and giving with no expectation of a return.

    But humans can’t help but expect a return, we expect to give and receive, not only to give. We need a return on our investments in other people, some return. I don’t think we can change this nature, and why should we?

    And so, in a personal relationship, look for a Win-Win dynamic, where the two parties of the relationship Win, that is, give and receive in ways that are satisfactory to both parties.

    There are many people in such great need that what you do for them is not enough and cannot be enough for them. Their needs are too great for you to satisfy. For example, mentally ill people who are also homeless. Instead of trying to help them as an individual, on your own, why don’t you help them under the guidance of your pastor or church leader, as one of a group of Christians operating together with some planning?

    anita

     

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