I’m getting married soon and have realized how much of a cultural shock it is for me coming into my fiance’s family.

My own family is what you may call “rough” around the edges and we speak to each other rather bluntly. Although we may be offended by what we say to each other at that instance, we understand the other person’s intentions and do not bear grudges.  However, with my in-laws, I find it hard to speak to them.

My fiance is much like me when he shares his thoughts and feelings. He is rather straight-forward. So I have seem him be blunt with his mother and sister. They do get offended at times and I have too, but they do not readily share their feelings with him when they are offended. I find his sister is particularly passive aggressive.

Recently, we had an engagement ceremony and party, in which my fiance and I only wanted family members to attend. We had it planned for a month and I mentioned often how important it was for our families to meet as they have not met in the 7 years my fiance and I have been together. Last week, I was sharing more details about the event with them and mentioned I wanted it “family only”.  I received a text from his sister about whether or not she can invite her new boyfriend. I have not met her boyfriend and really only wanted family members there, so I told her no. Her response was “ok”. I followed it up with thanking her for being understanding and how nervous I am about the event. Later on, her daughter informed us that I offended her and that she will not be coming to the party.  I felt really disappointed and sad about it. While I can see I could have responded more nicely, I would have liked to hear directly from her about it.

Now, because of this I have been avoiding her. I want to get along with my in-laws, but I don’t feel like I can trust them enough to be forthright with my feelings without hurting theirs. How do I get over this hurdle?