Hello all,

I am having an extremely hard time coping with my recent break-up. This was my first serious relationship since my divorce (which may be the reason why it’s so hard for me). My ex and I were dating on and off for about a year, and I’m devastated realizing that he is most likely gone for good.

We had a turbulent relationship, and my friends/family all agree that I’m better off without him. He had multiple problems, and it seemed that I was always the scapegoat when things didn’t work out in his favor. His parents were always involved (especially when we got into fights) and I felt we never had any privacy in the relationship. I’m slowly coming to terms that he was an emotional abuser, a liar and a hypocrite. He had no ambition in life and wanted to control everything in mine. He was slowly isolating me from my friends and tried to turn me against my family. I think he wanted me all to himself, and whenever I tried challenge him – he would say things like “you don’t really care about me or this relationship” or threaten to break up with me or find someone else.

The relationship itself was full of drama, so of course the actual break-up ended in drama as well. I feel guilty that I instigated it, and almost wished I didn’t. The police got involved because he refused to give me back my belongings and now I haven’t heard from him at all. He restricted my number and completely “ghosted”.

I know I should be counting my lucky stars, and happily looking towards the future…but I feel like I can’t get out of my own way. I am so sad and broken. I miss him terribly and wish things didn’t end the way they did. I keep thinking how he’s going to move on with his life and I’ll be left alone forever. I should be focusing on all the bad times and arguments but all I remember are the happy times and the love he promised me. What the heck is wrong with me? Everyone tells me that I’ll feel better in time and to stay positive but I just feel lost. Why can’t I see how bad he was for me? I know I need to move on from my ex-boyfriend, but I don’t know how to let go. I love him so much, and I can’t picture my life without him. How do you forget and let go of someone you love?

All my friends are either married or engaged. Plus, my ex-husband just got engaged to his girlfriend that he started seeing right after our divorce was finalized – so what’s wrong with me?? Why can’t I find anyone compatible? Don’t I deserve to find happiness? I just turned 34 and I’m so afraid that I’ll never find anyone who will love me the way I should be loved, and that I’ll miss my chances to start a family.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve read several articles online, spoken to close friends and family, I even started to see my therapist again. Nothing seems to be working or helping me move on. I hate feeling this way, I just want to be happy again.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance and God Bless!