Dear takeflight:

Laure said it so beautifully: “Do not reject the way you feel…Just feel and tell yourself it is alright to feel that way!”- when you feel awkward about your crush, that is you feel embarassed, somewhat ashamed of feeling the way you do, it means you are judging your feelings as wrong, inappropriate, as if you shouldn’t be feeling what you are feeling. These… secondary feelings (shame) of disapproval of what your primary feelings (crush) are not good for you.

Interesting, you wrote a LITTLE crush. What comes to my mind is that this little crush is about your (naturally, as a human..) BIG need to connect, to love and be loved. It is the big need that fuels this little crush. If you feel comfortable to do so, and if you feel it may be helpful to you, please do share about the … big need.

anita

Dear takeflight:

I agree: what you are feeling is normal because the fuel for the little crush is in your big need to connect. You want to connect but you are afraid of being judged, that is rejected, criticized, disapproved.

You are carrying disapproval from your early years, as a child, I am assuming. You took in the disapproval you experienced as a child and you carry this disapproval (as I have) in your brain, like an audio recording. And when you hear something that was said to you or about you, you hear your recording above anything that is really being said.

Sometimes people do criticize you and sometimes they don’t but you incorrectly think that they did.

Everything that we see and hear goes through our brain, so everything we project, sometimes accurately and at other times inaccurately. The louder our own disapproval of ourselves, the more often we inaccurately project it, that is hear it when it is not said and see it where it is not meant.

Your strong need to connect is in conflict with your fear to connect.

I experienced this most of my life.

What do you think so far? Were you disapproved of, made to feel that your feelings are wrong, that you should not feel as you were feeling? were you criticized as a child?

Hope to get your reply.

anita

Dear takeflight:

Yes, people often enough give us conflicting messages that leave us confused about what are they really saying. When this friend tells you she is supportive of the union between you and the guy on one hand, and then tells you the timing of this union is bad, she is giving you a conflicting message. So when that happens, as it did, ask her what she means by “bad timing” and see if she can give you a CLEAR message.

Some people will continuously give you conflicting messages and will refuse, once you ask for clarification, to give you anything but double and triple messages. This is their nature… became their nature. I can’t stand interacting with such people because I hate being confused unnecessarily. So I stop interacting with such (I … take flight from such people).

anita