Home→Forums→Relationships→He cheated on his ex with me and now got back to her
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January 29, 2020 at 5:18 pm #335744
ChloeParticipantI felt very hurt and devastated right now. I met a guy 6months ago and he claimed he was single, however, he was just having a hard time with his ex but they were still seeing each other.
During the time he hid it perfectly well. I found a small suspicious thing 2m into the relationship but because it was quite early at that time and he managed to convince me so I chose to ignore and I now really regretted it.
Until last week when his gf reached out to me to inform me that I have been lied to for the past 6m and she was trying to get him back although he had cheated on her many times and this time is the most serious. I confronted him but he said he was trying to break up with her but unsuccessful but he wanted to be with me. I requested him to prove to me that he was trying by cutting ties with her etc…but eventually, he admitted that he still had feelings and tried to figure things out with her.
We therefore agreed to break up but I really hate myself and hate him now. And I kept thinking about all the good times together because It was so perfect until the very last minute when the sudden shock kicked in. I really want to revenge but I also know its not worth so I didnt do anything but saying a civil goodbye, but deep down inside I feel very hurt.
January 29, 2020 at 5:22 pm #335746
LadenParticipanthe’s a jackass. forget about him and realize your self worth. there are many nice guys out there that will treat you like the queen you are. don’t waste your energy thinking about him. when you’re ready, get back out there and find a nice guy.
January 29, 2020 at 7:58 pm #335754
AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
“his gf reached out to me to inform me that I have been lied to for the past 6 m and she was trying to get him back“- he didn’t lie to you for the past six months because she wasn’t his girlfriend during these six months. If she was, she wouldn’t be trying to get him back. She was trying to get him back because he was gone from her, that is, they broke up and therefore she tried to get him back.
If you look at the title of your thread: “He cheated on his ex with me”- he couldn’t have cheated on his ex, because you can’t cheat on an ex. A man can cheat on a current girlfriend, not on an ex girlfriend.
He had a girlfriend, they broke up, he met you, then she wanted him back, and he eventually went back to her, and they are together for now, until the next time they break up.
I am sorry you feel hurt and I hope you feel better very soon. Please do post again anytime. It may help you feel better to type away your thoughts and feelings here.
I will be back to the computer in about ten hours from now, and will be glad to read from you anytime.
anita
January 29, 2020 at 11:04 pm #335762ChloeParticipantThanks Anita. And sorry my wording is not correct. He cheated on his gf with me. They havent broken up during the time, they just had rocky times and the gf wanted to continue the relationship although she had been cheated on many times.
I felt extremely sad, hurt and insecure now but I didnt know how to get over it.
January 30, 2020 at 6:02 am #335808AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
You are welcome. I understand that he cheated on her with you and cheated on you with her, but at times they broke up and during those times he didn’t cheat on her or on you.
When she told you that they “just had rocky times”, this means they broke up from time to time, or had fights and didn’t know if there will be a getting back together, then some time passes, they get back together. Looking back she called it “rocky times”.
I don’t think it is a good idea to take what his now girlfriend said to you as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. After all, she is a troubled woman, to want back a man who cheated her so many times, according to her words. Part of what she told you may not be true.
You wrote: “it was so perfect until the very last minute”- how was it perfect, and did he share with you anything about his life?
anita
January 30, 2020 at 7:13 am #335824
ValoraParticipantHi Chloe,
I think it’s totally understandable how you feel hurt and betrayed by this guy. It’s a very good thing you found out about this now, though, before you got even deeper into it, because if he’s cheated on his to his girlfriend a bunch, he would do it to you, too. Just know it has nothing to do with you or your worth as a person. At all. Or even his girlfriend or anything about her. This is all him. It might take you a bit of time to stop feeling hurt and angry, but you just have to be patient and let yourself feel and work through those feelings so that you’re able to fully let them go. But as far as the feelings of insecurity go, just try to remind yourself that his behavior says nothing about you as a person. He’s a jerk and gooood riddance.
January 30, 2020 at 6:30 pm #335910ChloeParticipantHi anita,
Yes you are right here
‘I don’t think it is a good idea to take what his now girlfriend said to you as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. After all, she is a troubled woman, to want back a man who cheated her so many times, according to her words. Part of what she told you may not be true.
You wrote: “it was so perfect until the very last minute”- how was it perfect, and did he share with you anything about his life?’
I found it hard to believe fully he and she said as there were many mismatches in each of their version. Since then I didnt have a chance to talk to them in person as Im far away for a long time so I eventually didnt know the full truth which I truly wanted to. When he explicitly mentioned he couldnt cut ties with her, I know its no long worthy to get involved in anything so we broke up via text…but deep down inside, I would like to know the truth, what should I do now.
January 31, 2020 at 10:57 am #336038AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
“deep down inside, I would like to know the truth, what should I do now”?
I don’t think that you can get the truth from him or from her. If you hired a private detective or investigator, maybe you can get the truth, as the private investigator will interview this guy’s neighbors, co workers, look at records, such as parking tickets he may have gotten (so to determine where he was at certain days and times), look into medical records, school records and so on so to figure out the truth. Same for the woman he is involved with.
Outside such a very expensive and elaborate investigation, I don’t see a way for you to find the truth beyond a few simple truths: that he cheated on you and he cheated on her, that he is not emotionally well and neither is she, and if you want to be emotionally well and end up with a decent man you can trust- better stay away from people who proved to you already that they are not to be trusted.
Better not look for answers from people who are not likely to give you truthful answers. Their lies and half lies will add to your confusion. Ongoing confusion leads to sickness while clarity leads to health, so better not get yourself confused.
If you want to share about the mismatches you mentioned, between her version and his version, maybe a few more clear answers will become apparent to me.
anita
January 31, 2020 at 11:13 am #336040ChloeParticipantThanks for that anita. Is there any channels that I can message you privately?
January 31, 2020 at 11:37 am #336056AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
No, there is no private messaging feature here and I don’t want to communicate on my private email account. Maybe if you keep identifiable information out, such as names, ages, timeline, places, exact this or that, you can share what you want to share right here. But if you feel uncomfortable, then don’t.
anita
January 31, 2020 at 12:43 pm #336068AnonymousGuestOne more thing: you thanked me in our last post and I didn’t respond to it. You are welcome, Chloe. Post again anytime.
anita
February 1, 2020 at 2:43 am #336170ChloeParticipantBasically she said they have never ever broken up, just having a hard time but still seeing each other and he kept assuring her that he wanted to be with her and would finish with me.
He said they indeed broke up but the break-up was very difficult and dragged on therefore they still had to meet to talk thing thru, he assured me that he wanted to be with me and would try to end the complicated break-up process.
Then I became more and more suspicious of him because I believed that she has no incentives to lie while he has lots of incentives to do so. Therefore I intensively confronted and insisted that he had to be distant to her OR we would finish. He eventually chose to be back to her and cut off with me.
February 1, 2020 at 8:12 am #336196AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
“I believed that she has no incentives to lie”- yes she does, her incentive is to get him back, to discourage you from going after him. If she makes you believe that they never broke up, that would make you feel more deceived than you were, and so angry that you will not want him back and then, she can have him back.
Reads to me that within the six months of your relationship with him, at times he was single, that is, he was not in a relationship with her (they were broken up).
I don’t know why she has been chasing him. Maybe like you she thinks that “it was so perfect until..” this or that happened (and keeps happening). A delusion of perfection that she wants to get back.
anita
February 4, 2020 at 12:42 am #336534ChloeParticipantHi anita, thanks alot for the wise words and sorry for my late replies as I was quite in a bad shape recently.
I know 99.99% of people will advise me to walk away but currently I think Im still in the bargaining stage, therefore could you let me know what I can do in this situation to make him reconsider, given we have gone no contact?
February 4, 2020 at 5:48 am #336598AnonymousGuestDear Chloe:
I don’t think that it will be difficult for you get him back into your life because he had very pleasant experiences with you, experiences he remembers, and because his relationship with his ex/ current girlfriend has been very unstable.
It is possible that they will stay together and their relationship solidifies, but more often than not, history repeats itself, and it is likely that they will separate yet again. Even if they stay together, he is likely to look for .. more, more romance, more sex, something new, something renewed, and if you let him know that you are interested, you may very well be that something renewed.
Depends of course on what it is that you want with him: an occasional hookup situation or a monogamous, committed long term relationship, or something else. What is it that you want to have with him?
anita
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