March 14, 2018 at 10:00 am #197139
Quite a long story but I met this guy back in November just after I had split up from a long term relationship where I was screwed over. I was wary to get into another relationship after being treated badly and being victim to emotional abuse but he acted so kind and caring towards me which I've never experienced and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes after thinking about it for a little while because he's so unlike anyone I've met in the past.
Fastforward a couple of months and everything has been great. We spent the last couple of days together and everything was normal until yesterday (we had been for lunch and were having a great day prior). He suddenly pretty much broke down crying and said mentally he's not ready for a relationship and he is not in the best frame of mind at the moment, claiming he needs to be selfish and mend himself before we are together.
This was just so out of the blue and I am so confused. I am not a person who is pushy or needy in a relationship, I just go with the flow, so I highly doubt I've scared him off. I think he has struggled with anxiety and depression in the past but I wanted to help him with this rather than him push me away because I have properly fallen for him. I just find it all very frustrating because he is the one who instigated the relationship in the first place. Help please!March 14, 2018 at 11:26 am #197267
If you haven't done it already, can you ask him (email or in person) to tell you more about his state of mind, ask him when did this state of mind start: before meeting you, during?
Ask him gently, so to get the information you need. Let him know that you need to know so that you can be in a better state of mind.
anitaMarch 15, 2018 at 7:40 am #197393
I’m really sorry that happened. It sounds like you were happy and getting your needs met and you deserve all those good things in life.
It sounds like it’s more about him than you, and there’s not necessarily much you can do about that except for take care of yourself and then you’ll be in a more stable state to help him should he want that and should you be willing a little later on (or even now).
Self-care is golden, sis, and I would highly highly recommend saying positive daily affirmations to yourself on whatever you want to be more like – whether it’s inner peace, confidence, or whatever. Also highly recommend social justice activism, meditation and yoga daily, spending time with animals and going outside.
In my experience dating, I went through a lot of people who didn’t work out for one reason or anther, and it was heartbreaking. Often I thought they could even be the one. I learned to try to practice acceptance pretty hard because so many people weren’t working out and I kept meeting great ones and going through them and getting my heart broken.
But now I have the most amazing partner and I know all that was worth it. I learned worrying doesn’t help and sometimes people just aren’t a good fit at that time for whatever reason and there might be someone a million times better for you right around the corner.
Also I swear – when I decided internally that I was gonna make sure I was good with myself first and foremost and accepted that I might never find my person, he messaged me that very same week. Funny huh?
Maybe these aren’t what you’re Looking for but I hope it’s helpful and sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re not alone and hat people care – like the People here!