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He said that was it, but I'm too stubborn to accept that

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  • #137661
    Jacqui
    Participant

    My partner and I have been dating for a little over 3 months only, it’s still fresh, still new, we’re still young, everything was going well until a week ago or so, he started having thoughts about breaking up because he ‘knows’ we won’t work out. He has always been a negative person and I managed to convince him once that itll work out but the thought of it not was consuming him so he decided to break up with me.

    I’m an Asian studying in AUS for the moment, he’s Kiwi here in AUS working as well. In a couple of years, he wants to go back to NZ and he says he knows I won’t be happy if i went with him. I honestly can’t see his point of view, that it won’t work, but he can’t see my point of view that it’ll work too.

    I’m really, really sad, honestly. I cant come to terms with breaking up because i don’t understand his reasoning. He said he was happy with me and i was happy with him too, but that wasn’t enough. What was most important to me in the relationship was that he was happy and all that was important was that he couldn’t see us working out.

    I’m stubborn and hardheaded, he said he was worried both our families won’t accept us but its too early to say. (Struggles of an interracial relationship.) And that one day I’d eventually go back home. (I don’t know why i would if i was committed to him), but he keeps telling himself these negative things.

    As bad as this sounds, I begged him all night to give me one more chance, he kept saying no, that he didn’t want it to make it any harder for us and that I couldn’t change his mind. But i kept asking anyway, i pleaded and he finally agreed to one day. One day for me to change his mind. But he’s pretty sure he isn’t changing his mind.

    I think it was a bad idea, but i was so hurt and i needed that chance to try. I’d rather us break up knowing ive tried myself rather than him just assuming we really won’t. But I really want to try to convince him that we could work it out.

    Can I change his mind? Am i just hurting myself more? But im really not ready to let go, all his reasons were not valid to me and i just want things to go back to how we were. How do I convince him? How do i prove to him that if we did got back together, he couldn’t regret it?

    I’m so lost right now and being in a foreign land, he was one of the people that gave me so much memories here.

    #137669
    Elisabeth
    Participant

    I know you’re going through an emotionally rough phase right now, but it sounds like he knows that he does not want to be with you. He has told you in many ways and provided reasons. It would be best to leave him alone and move on from the situation. Even if his reasons aren’t good ones for you, he is steadfast in his decision to end the relationship and that is OK. I am sending you lots of love and light for you to heal and move forward.

    #137785
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jacqui:

    I think it is better that you respect his choice to end this new relationship. When you beg and plead and try to convince him, promise him he will not regret it if he changes his mind (something you cannot responsibly promise!), when you do all these things you are disrespecting him.

    Respect his choice and in so doing, you will be respecting him.  For as long as you disrespect him, a healthy relationship is not possible, even if he gave in to your pressures, your forceful, disrespectful stubbornness.

    anita

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