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Healing From Cheating

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • October 30, 2019 at 11:10 am #320577
    Harli
    Participant

    Hi! I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year.. starting out as an open relationship because of the distance and our new found author Osho. Both of us never really using the freedom, just because of a lack of desire.

    Recently my partner and I had a long vacation together where I fell more in love, but he didnt invite me to move in with him still after more than a year of long distance. I was tired and hurting and not feeling chosen.

    I slept with someone else… I stopped it in the middle because it felt wrong (even though we were in an open relationship and technically nothing was wrong)

    It has been almost 10 weeks now and things with my partner are not going well. He was planning to ask me to move in with him, and that was all destroyed.

    He says he cant stop picturing me and the other guy sleeping together, and is still in shock. My partner and I are still communicating everyday, but should we stop communicating in a means to heal, because nothing is getting better?

    We both very badly want to heal this and just be together, but neither of us know how to create the healing space to move forward…

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

     

    October 30, 2019 at 12:33 pm #320595
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harli:

    “He was planning to ask me to move in with him”- you didn’t indicate that he had such a plan during the year long distance relationship, or during the long vacation you spent together, after which you were with another man- so when is it that he expressed to you such a plan?

    anita

     

    October 30, 2019 at 12:38 pm #320597
    Harli
    Participant

    He was planning to ask me within the week that I told him what happened, he said he has been putting things together for me to come.

    I’m considering renting an apartment in his town for maybe 6 weeks if thats better for moving forward. That way we can see each other when we need to, to help heal. but not have to live together.

    October 30, 2019 at 1:01 pm #320601
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harli:

    He told you that he was planning on asking you to live together with him after you told him what happened with the other guy (not before)?

    I am asking because I am wondering if he was honest about such a plan or if he told you about such a plan so to make you feel bad, as in you feeling so bad for being so close to living with him and then… you messed it up, sort of a punishment. Is it possible?

    anita

    October 30, 2019 at 1:06 pm #320605
    Harli
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    No I definitely believe he was planning to off of what he was saying. I dont believe he was saying it to punish me.

    October 30, 2019 at 1:13 pm #320607
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harli:

    “He says he can’t stop picturing me and the other guy sleeping together, and is still in shock”- so when he decided on an open relationship earlier he wasn’t disturbed by imagining you with another guy, day after day throughout the time the open relationship was in effect (practiced or not)?

    It is possible that he is using what happened so to not follow up with his spoken plan to live with you. I am saying it is a possibility.

    “he said he has been putting things together for me to come”- any evidence for him putting anything together, anything he did such as buying a bigger bed or making his apartment comfortable for you?

    anita

    October 30, 2019 at 1:33 pm #320615
    Harli
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    he bought a guitar for me for his house as i play music. He also has never lied to me, and i know he was being genuine.

    We always talked about being open, but it was basically just in theory, he never experienced anything happen. So now that he had, he realized it was not a good thing for him, and admitted that that was on him for not realizing.

    I just love and miss him, he also is expressing how much he loves and misses me, but that dosnt take these images away or heal what happened..

    October 30, 2019 at 1:52 pm #320619
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harli:

    Psychotherapy- maybe that will help him to endure those images and not let them take over him. The images occupying his brain may be an obsession at this point, no different than many obsessions people who suffer from OCD have.

    anita

    October 30, 2019 at 4:43 pm #320635
    Marriage Helper
    Participant

    Dear Harli,

    I think this podcast might be really helpful for you. Its a story of a couple who went through a decline and affair, but were able to bring it back and now have a happy marriage. Hope it helps!

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