Hi,

I had posted on this forum before and it was very useful, and thought doing so would help again. I am in my final year at university and got out of a bad relationship last september. I wanted to move on and hence finally decided last month to get back in the dating circle. I met this guy in one of the drinks who used to really like me 2 years ago and asked me out several times but I liked someone else back then and told him it wouldnt work out and i wasnt ready to date someone yet even though my love for the other guy was onesided. Moreover, I kind of felt creeped out by him as he didnt even know me and asked me out after seeing me in a club and trying to hook up with me a month before that and texting me everyday to make plans. He said he would wait for me to get over that guy as he really liked me and thought it was worth it, and he did so for another 6-7 months and asked me out again just to know i was dating someone else now who lived closer to me during my placement year.

Fast forward to now, when we met last month there was a physical attraction and we knew we wanted something. he came over to my place but we didnt hook up and just talked for sometime and fell asleep. Then we again met next week and hooked up. we didnt know what we were doing so we decided to discuss it in following week. I did realise i liked his personality and told him i was open to getting to know him and seeing if we could date. he told me he loved someone else. and i asked him why was he here then, and he said he liked me. he also did mention that it was one sided and that girl didnt like him back. we continued talking everyday since then and met every weekend to watch movies, chill and he would stay over at my place. this continued for a month and i realised my feelings for him were getting stronger. I couldn’t stop. and i had to tell him. everytime we discussed dating, he had said ik i will fall in love with you if i date you, you are always so good to me, i like you as a person, and said if we date by april then i have certain summer diet etc.. this all made me think that he did consider something. but then i asked him to decide soon as i my feelings were going strong and i was getting attached to him. so one one weekend he said give me 3 days and i will think this through and finally decide instead of keeping you hanging. we met over coffee and he said that he isnt ready to date someone else as he still likes her and he couldnt commit that way and it was all too soon. he said everytime he considers dating he thinks about his love for her and backs out. moreover, he also said maybe 2 years ago he was behind me to get over her. was it really? all that was all fake? him waiting for me? or is he finding reasons to justify his love for her?When our common friend hear this , she didnt believe it as she knows how crazily he was behind me and wanted to wait for me till i got out of my obsession with the other guy.

he said i am good and i deserve someone who can keep me happy and respect my kindness. he was scared i was getting attached (as i told him) and he didnt want to hurt me. he is the first person who i could share so openly about my past abusive relationship and other issue and felt he was the one i was looking for. funnily, tables have turned and he likes someone else right now. idk if i love him but its hurting me right now. idk what went wrong here. he said that i wasnt at fault here at all, but idk. now i text him and he doesnt talk the same way like he did. ik he did say he wants to be friend but idk why deep down i am hoping that one day he gets over her and comes to me (because i did think he liked me). idk if he is in love with her or the idea of being in love with her as i have been through a similar situation before where when you dont get the person you keep on chasing them and it becomes obsession (which i told him he might be doing now but he said he loves her). ik that girl too , she has no interest in him at all and he even told her about his feelings and said he wold eventually get over it.

I am starting my job in September and he would still be in uni then. we would be only an hour train apart, i was hoping that after she leaves and he stops seeing her he would forget her (thats what he hopes too) and maybe after that I could try , just like he tried in the start of placement year with hope i forgot that guy. ik it might not be the same, he and i might move on and be somewhere else

but idk if he played with me as the fact he isnt talking the same way, ignoring my messages for days , unlike when we were hooking up and spending time tog. he did say he liked spending time with me and even when he told me that him and me couldnt work out, he had messaged my flatmate to make sure she checked on me and i was okay. so now him ignoring me, and also today turning up with another friend and that girl who he liked (who is a good friend of his too) all of a sudden to collect something rom my house despite that fact how he is ignoring me on text and other social media idk what to think. idk how to get him out of my head and focus on my work. is it true that once a guy gets the girl he chases for, his attraction toward her gets over? is this what happened? is this why he is still behind her as she will never go for him? did he even ever like me?

please help me , i am tired of overthinking this.

thank you.