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heart broke so bad over first relationship with a woman

HomeForumsRelationshipsheart broke so bad over first relationship with a woman

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  • #89874
    kiajkee
    Participant

    I walked away from my abusive marriage and right into the arms of a woman who was my friend , I told her everything and so did she. Me about the pain I endured.her about being with straight women before who left marriages for her only for It to end. We met at work, I had never been with a woman or a coworker.she had experienced both more than once. We got so close ,I even had her in my girls life. Eventually I guess both of our past struggles affected the relationship. She has left me several times, once she thought I was involved with another male coworker,then she felt I would leave her for a guy, then she felt I didn’t have enough time to give her what she needed,then she felt like I didn’t care over the phone one night when she wanted to talk, left me again, then she felt the time apart was too much, and she felt like she was losing me, she felt like my text messages in response were flat so she left me again. Each time I beg her to come back and after she places all the blame on me , sometimes even yells, she comes back. This recent breakup on thanksgiving came from her feeling to needy for me and that she didn’t want me to hate her, after 3 weeks of crying, reflecting and missing her I tried to get her back only for her to speak to me in such an awful way and told me I’m not the one because I’m never there for her. She doesn’t believe anything I say and I’m so lost without her

    #89881
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiajkee:

    As you can see yourself, your girlfriend is highly reactive to what she feels and does not take responsibility to what she feels, believing you are the one responsible for what she feels. She doesn’t see that she is projecting inaccurately what she feels to you. She feels neglected so she says: YOU are neglecting me. And she believes what she feels is reality: she feels you were out with a guy at work, so she figures you were out with a guy at work. Blaming you is not a good basis for a relationship.

    Until and if she confronts her own inaccurate thinking, distorted thinking (inaccurate projections, the first example; emotional reasoning, the second), this is not good news for you, kiajkee. This is going to be more and more heartache for you.

    anita

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