Dear thomas:

For your happiness and self confidence, put yourself first now and every day. During this time that you are suffering heartbreak and loneliness, be kind to yourself, treat yourself well, as you would treat a close friend who is suffering. Or better, as you would treat a child who is in pain. Be gentle to you, and do put yourself first- make your interactions and relationships Win-Win, win for you, first.

anita

Dear Thomas:

I am sorry but … why is it that so few people act on the love they feel?

Is it so unthinkable to give up a job to be with the person you love?

I ask because … it’s really a question of integrity, right?

You say, “I love her so much….” OK then… the question is… do you? Did you?

Where is this upset located?  Is it over her?  Or… over you?  I am sorry for doing this.

The reason I ask is because people can waste many, many years following their minds… going with the mental hubris of what the MIND thinks is REALLY IMPORTANT… with all sorts of mental labels and notions of happiness… when the HEART is ACTUALLY the seat of happiness!  And so… is the question about her … or … is it time to perhaps get down deep with THOMAS and for him to get really comfortable with a heart that loves… because a heart that loves is a very beautiful thing in this world.  The most precious thing in this world, actually.  And you know what is possibly even more precious than a man with a loving, kind heart?  A man willing to ACT and LIVE in accordance with that heart!

A man separated from his own heart cannot be happy.

If the walk through life is to always pick the easy … the convenient … the prestige, money, career, status, whatever… what at the end of the life will there have been?

When will it be that Thomas lives his heart’s content?  Only Thomas can know the answer.

I pray it’s soon!

Every blessing,

Christine

PS  don’t know how *much* your heart loves her — I don’t know how in touch with your heart you are if the mind can override it like it has — but maybe these are more fruitful questions for you than to just pine away without any learning coming from this experience.  And speaking now from a female perspective, all I can say is, I would have hoped to come in first place in that decision-making you had to do recently… but not having come in first-place, a woman is wise to say No Thanks to future involvement because frankly… it will always be second place from that moment on. This is the reason for my questioning:  may this pattern break in your life … where the mind and its interests and values take priority over what the heart feels important –  which can only really happen when the heart has healed fully… when you spend time with your emotional self … when you appreciate the vast expanse and beauty of the heart … its ability to love deeply and completely … and how a heart-based life is just so much more liberating … if you can get there, my friend, and connect deeply with your loving nature, you can find the same in a counterpart, also – and then… hahaha yeah… life can be singing and dancing under the stars regardless of whatever may come or happen.

May all doubt in the heart and its wisdom be lifted, that the heart may not be the site of any mental doubt or confusion playing out … but rather… just shine bright and free … that you may drink of the waters of self-love and compassion first and foremost, and living thusly, you will find a centeredness that does not waiver or wander with doubt.  There is nothing greater or more important than for the heart to expand … to include the person in whose chest it beats, to encompass all of life’s experience, and to feed and nourish the soul.  May your healing be lovely, profound, and liberating from all mental notions and ideas… that direct experience of love and happiness be the guides of preferred choice in life. For only then can you, or anyone, be happy, I truly believe, anyway… from my own hard-won experience.

Forgive the long message… and redundancy. I hope you can feel the love and compassion in this, truly.

But basically, living mind first heart second, is always and forever going to hurt. Living heart first mind second will not hurt the same way. Because living the heart first means you get to drink of your own wellspring of love, and that is never wrong. May more human beings come to trust the emotional wisdom of the open heart … and to really let go and surrender to the flow of life and all that is warm, loving and sensitive and nurturing in this world — because only then can there really be connectedness to one’s own organic self – a self which is born … will suffer… will die.  What will have made all that memorable?  The heart and how connected we were to it – whether we obeyed, or whether we lived in conflict to it.  What will have been the point of conflict? Absolutely nothing. What will have been the point of living connected to the heart and its expansion?  Everything. And that’s without reference to whether there’s a wife, spouse, family or lover involved.

Cheers and every blessing, Christine (PS hoping you can feel the compassion in this because it was written from the heart)

May you experience vast healing and speedy recovery.

Dear thomas:

I don’t think you shared before that you have a daughter and that the breakup with your ex had to do with you choosing the well being of your daughter over the relationship with the ex. I am glad you chose your daughter. My hat is off to you for having done that. I hope you do heal soon from your Heartbreak and loneliness, so that you can be more available and attentive to your daughter.

You wrote that you don’t know your ex’s motivation in the recent development. Can you ask her? You wrote earlier that she is very honest, always has been honest with you. So ask her…?

anita

Hi thomas,

It’s been a few days – how are you doing? I think you’ve got some really great responses here but just thought I’d weigh in also. I understand your pain and conflict, and I agree given the situation it sounds like no contact is a good way to go. As for why she liked your photo and then made the comment about you being at a “friend’s” house…I do think she’s probably trying to keep you around “just in case”. Just like you’re afraid of losing her completely, she probably has the same fears. But it’s not really fair to keep up with the back and forth – because just like you said, you had been starting to feel ok after some days of not talking and then BOOM…one comment and it starts with the second guessing and analyzing and trying to figure shit out. Which detracts from you healing YOURSELF. It really is so HARD. I am going through something similar right now, although minus the long distance and deep feelings of love. It’s still hard to let go of someone you’ve built a relationship and shared so much of yourself with and hoped for a future with. That’s why people keep dipping their toes back in, to check the climate and see if the other person has moved on or if they’re still “available”…that’s just my opinion anyway.  And honestly, judging from how I know I can be sometimes…it might be that the more cool you are the more it seems you’re hanging with “friends”, the stronger she might come on. So just be prepared for that. But if you’ve both decided that the situation is what it is and isn’t changing and there will definitely not be a LDR then I’m not sure there is an option for moving on and being happy other than no contact as hard as it is.

Take care of yourself Thomas 🙂

Katie