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Heartbroken

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  • #50917
    Irene
    Participant

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 8 years. He has been distant from me for a couple days I knew something was up. Sure we had our ups and down mainly this past two years. We bought a house 4 years ago he was unemployed for 18 months after we bought the house which cause a lot of problems in the relationships but when he found a part time job things seemed a little better. He still seemed unhappy with his job and not being able to provide but luckily I had a good job and was able to pay 90% of the bills. I was getting worn out after a few months but I knew we could get thru this bad times. On top of all this I was trying to stay supportive and positive. We did everything together family gatherings, exercise together and so much more. We were inseparable. Last Monday he told me that being in a relationship was not him anymore and he wasn’t happy. And we should break up and just be friends. All that was too much for me. We put our house on the market a few months because we hated the location but talked about how we were going to stay together and get thru this. I had to move out of my house because I couldn’t stay in the house being friends is too painful for me. Unfortunately we have to in contact but only for house related matter and we are sharing doggie custody. Is so hard not being or talking to him. I love him still and wish I didn’t because he really broke my heart with all this. I don’t know how to get thru this I cry all the time I am sad all the time I want to feel better soon but where do I start?

    #50922
    ALN
    Participant

    I’ve been going through something like this recently as well so I understand. It is so difficult losing someone so close, but each new day gets you closer to being healed so have hope. This site has been so instrumental in helping me deal with and sort through all my emotions and thoughts. If you haven’t already, I’d just go through all the posts and see what you can relate to. For me in the beginning, I had a lot of anger towards her. I hated her for what she did to me. I resented all the times she disappointed me. I wished I could just erase her from my memory. I focused a lot on the negative because that’s what I normally do when I feel rejected. But those are emotions that don’t help with the healing process. The most important thing that I’ve learned is that forgiveness is the best path to go down. I read this one post on here that really struck a chord with me where they said if you are feeling angry at the other person, just say “I forgive her. I forgive myself. I send love to the both of us.” It has helped me so much. I’ve learned to go through my emotions and experience them instead of just filing them away in my head. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to miss them. If the emotions just got too unbearable, I would journal. So what I’ve learned going through this whole process is that I’m no longer scared and I have hope for myself because for once in a long long time, I am pretty happy with who I am. I still have a lot to deal with, but I know that I’m growing as a person and that’s the most important part of all this.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by ALN.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by ALN.
    #51002
    Mark
    Participant

    Irene and Allan,
    I am sorry for your pain. Losing a close relationship sucks. I think this is one of the universal experiences.

    I like your idea Allan for I find that whenever I am inspired to write/blog/journal I feel sucky (except when I respond to postings like this *grin*). This lets out what is churning inside.

    Robert Frost’s quote, “The best way out is always through.” This says to me is not to avoid our pain, sadness and grief. We need to acknowledge it, be with it and eventually we will move through it.

    Grieving for a loss, any loss cannot be rushed or made better on a timetable. This is the Eightfold Path of Buddhism (I believe since I am not a student).

    I invite you to give yourself grace and love and patience.

    Take care for both of you.

    Metta,
    Mark

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