fbpx
Menu

Help

Home→Forums→Tough Times→Help

New Reply
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • December 11, 2016 at 11:30 pm #122492
    ss24
    Participant

    I’ve become such a negative person in my life and I dont know how to change this. I feel as if Im such a sensitive, petty and pessimistic person when a couple of years ago I preached everything about positivity. After a failed friendship with one of my closest friends, I found that my confidence, self belief and positivity went downhill and I now find it so hard to fit in, conversate or even do things without negativity constantly circling in my mind. I struggle to socialise without feeling awkward or that people don’t like me or even that Im boring. I get anxiety pretty quickly and my mind jumps to conclusions that I dont fit in anywhere. I dont want to be this person anymore. I feel as if Im not in my own body, I dont recognise myself sometimes. This sort of thinking affects everything in my life, my work, my study, my relationship with my partner and other friends. I constantly have a fear that people don’t like me and Im going to be alone. Im sick of feeling this way and am hoping someone can provide some insight of fighting these feelings and some advice on how to get on track to being the positive person I was beforehand.

    Thank you in advance

    December 12, 2016 at 7:00 am #122504
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ss24:

    This change in you happened after a “failed friendship with one of my closest friends”- this failure of friendship has been very significant in your life. You use the verb “fail” as in Failure. I suppose you see it as a personal failure, taking responsibility for the failure, maybe more responsibility that you own.

    Will you share about that friendship and its ending. In your quest for help, it is very worthy to examine it.

    anita

    December 12, 2016 at 10:16 am #122519
    ss24
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    The friendship was a trio, and my friendship with one friend was toxic and I had no choice but to end it. While I ended my friendship with this person, this other person almost took sides and completely cut me out. I had done nothing wrong and several of times attempted to work it out with her. For a whole year I received nothing, no explanation no contact, nothing. I’ve known this person for over 10 years and I feel when this happened my whole world changed. She didnt even come to my birthday. One day I decided to contact her and catch up and when I did her reasoning for all this was she didnt feel she deserved me as a friend and ever since that catch up..I never heard from her again.

    December 12, 2016 at 12:24 pm #122535
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ss24:

    The withdrawal of that friend of 10 years from you, without explanation, hurt you a whole lot. I am thinking, an explanation to her withdrawal can be helpful to you.

    When you caught up with her, she told you that she didn’t feel she deserved you as a friend. What was the question/s you asked her before she made that statement? Did you get any more information from her, any questions at all answered when you contacted her?

    And, do you have any idea as to what she meant by not deserving you as a friend?

    anita

    December 13, 2016 at 2:45 am #122584
    ss24
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I caught up with her to get an explanation out of her and I did ask her what had happened and she simply told me that was the reason. She also mention how she had a lot going on in her life and she felt that she didnt deserve me and that I was happy and she thought I didnt need her. That was basically all of it. I tried to reconnect with her at this dinner and told her I was always there for her and told her to reach out whenever she needed. That was the last time we spoke.

    December 13, 2016 at 11:23 am #122620
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ss24:

    If this friend of 10 years is still a friend with the person you referred to as toxic, that may explain her decision to no longer be your friend. You mentioned her taking the other persons side, over yours.

    When she said that she doesn’t deserve you, maybe what motivated her to say that was feeling guilty for taking the other person’s side.

    It is regrettable that a 10 year friendship did not bring about better communication between the two of you. You wrote that you did nothing wrong, in the context of the toxic relationship, and so, her not taking your side, is her wrong choice.

    People do make the wrong choices very often.

    anita

    December 13, 2016 at 3:33 pm #122643
    ss24
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thats what it seems like to me too but for some reason I feel as if though I carry residual anger from the whole situation. That residual anger I feel as if though it has taken over my every day life and I don’t know how to let it go.

    Thanks

    December 13, 2016 at 5:50 pm #122645
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ss24:

    Reads to me like competent psychotherapy will be very helpful to you.

    The “residual anger” you feel is you wanting to fight. Your estrangement from the friend of ten years seems final. Since you can’t change it, you must accept it. Allow yourself to feel the hurt of betrayal, the hurt of injustice, the sadness of loss. If you fully allow yourself to feel these, the anger will subside.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.