Hello everyone.

I’ve been looking around on this site for a long time, I thought it seemed really interesting and I thought I would give it a go, writing one of my more… sensitive topics down, for maybe I can get a little help or advice.

The thing is, for over 8 years I’ve just had the worst “luck” in my love life – ergo, finding love to start with. I’ve been through some rather tough times and had to start therapy due to a mental illness of mine, so I had deliberately decided, for some years, that I didn’t want to do any dating or anything. I just wanted to “find myself” as you can say.

Over the last maybe… 4 years or so, I’ve allowed myself to open up to love again. I don’t really seek it, but I’m not completely closed off either. The thing is that I usually NEVER fall in love, because I’m a very precautious person. There’s been a few times, which has all happened after I felt a little better. The two worst of these let downs has happened in the course of 1 year. The first one I really fell in love with, told me all the nice things about me (people usually don’t say nice things to me) he was generous, kind and loving. All the things that is what I consider perfect. He said he felt super connected with me, then over a weekend we spend together, he changed his mind… which really hurt me because it takes a long time for me to open up to someone. But fair enough, those things happens.

Now, lately, I fell for one of my friends that I’ve known and also flirted on/off with for a year or so. He’s lovely, kind and has a big heart. He’s like most men I fall for, not in the “good looking” kind of group, he’s a big nerd like me and a lovely person. My friend, who also happen to know him, told me he definitely seemed to like me too because of the flirting back and forth – I’ve been very hesitant, but she convinced me to tell him how I felt. I told him – and like I should have known – he didn’t feel the same way I did. He feels terrible though, and is sorry for it – although it’s not his fault at all – but it devestated me completely..

These things happens to me over and over and over again. I find myself questioning if there’s something wrong with me? Granted, I’m not super-model skinny, but I think I’m fairly attractive – if not just by the outside but inside – I have a good heart, I’m just very sensitive. I have a ton of different hobbies, I love people for who they are, and I’m always willing to work hard for things.

But I don’t know, it seems like I’m either completely unlovable, or that there’s some sort of curse over me? I’ve deliberately tried to step away and “don’t seek for love, it comes when you least expect it.” I did that, boom! it comes out of no where – but I’m the only one who falls for the other, no one has ever loved me back so far.

I’m mid 20s, a little on the closer to 30. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve started to hate emotions when it comes to falling in love, whenever it actually happens it feels terrible for me. Even if I have truly believed that this time I will find love – then… I never do.

I hope someone can help me, advice and suggestions or just maybe someone feels the same way as me?

Many hugs to you all
from me