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Help getting over my ex and what she did

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • November 1, 2016 at 12:07 pm #119337
    Mel
    Participant

    Hi,

    I was with my ex for almost 4 years (btw this was a same sex relationsip) she broke up with me nearly three months ago. im finding it really difficult getting over her as i really thought she was the one for me, we were best friends for 6 years. this last year she got really close with a 19 year old girl (we are both 26) and she started to tell lies about her whereabouts and who she was with etc and when i questioned her she comviced me i was going crazy and was jelous to the point that i actually had counsellimg sessions thinking i was crazy and became an awful jelous girlfriend. Anyway the night before she broke up with me we went clubbing with some friends and with that 19 year old girl and that night my ex was so rude and arrogant with me and was flirting and stroking this girls hair in front of me and at several times it looked like they were about to kiss right in front of me. That same night i found some texts on her phone between the two of them that you wouldnt send to just a friend (btw this was the first time ive ever looked through someones messages and still feel awful for invading her privacy like that) she said she never cheated on me (not sure if i beleive her as she has a history of cheating) but broke up with me because she has feelings for this girl. Its been less than three months and i found out that she has been going out with this girl for over a month now. I feel so hurt as it doesnt feel like it took her long to get over me. especially as she told me when she broke up with me that i was the best girlfriend she has ever had and have set the bar high for the next girl. she even told me that she doesnt want to be in a relationship until later next year as she wasnt ready and now shes quickly jumped into this one. I havent spoken to her for over a month and dont intend to stay friends. I just need advice on how to get over her and what shes done to me as its taking over my thoughts (theres so much more to the story but its too much to put in writting). Any advise would be great. how can i get over the hurt? i feel like ive lost everything, the love of my life, my best friend, trust in people.

    Thanks

    Sorry for any spellimg mistakes

    November 1, 2016 at 12:23 pm #119338
    Chris rushton
    Participant

    Hello there, I feel your pain I really do, similar things have happened to me in life. To be honest getting over someone you loved is, In itself one of the hardest things to get over. I was with someone for over 4 years. Best friends heck we grew up together. From the age of 16 to 20. This may sound cliché but time is the best healer. as each day goes on you will become stronger. You must not blame yourself. When you lose someone it is a constant battle. A battle with the world, yourself, friends, family, who expect you to just walk away and move on. I walked for miles daily with my own thoughts. My own mistakes, my own guilt. Eventually my mind changed, things looked up and I found solidarity in someone else, the one thing learnt however at the end of it all. Is that if you can get over this you can get over and achieve anything in life. So take every day as it comes, enjoy your own company there are so many things we need to be grateful for and thinking about them can help a lot also. I hope you find your happiness and although this may not have answered your question only you can answer it. Deep down you know that. All the best. Chris.

    November 1, 2016 at 12:41 pm #119342
    Mel
    Participant

    Thanks really appreciate that. Ive just never felt so worthless,ive even gone back to counselling to help me be comfetable with who i am as towards the end she kept telling me that i need to act young amd change myself because i was boring. I know im a good person so i guess right now im findimg it hard to understand why this is happening to me and shes there all happy when shes been an awful person. i beleive that things happen for a reason and if things are meant to be they are meant to be but just finding it hard to process and understand all of this right now.

    November 1, 2016 at 6:33 pm #119378
    Zelda
    Participant

    Dear Mell,
    I’m so, so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there. When my ex-fiance got someone else pregnant, I also experienced an ongoing, overwhelming torrent of the painful thoughts and feelings that you describe. That was the time when I started my meditation practice because I needed a way to cope with the crazy hurricane of hurt, anger, grief, loneliness, and betrayal that was going on 24-7 within me. That worked for me because in those moments where I was fully present with my breath, or could observe my thoughts without getting entangled in them, I could take back my sanity a few seconds at a time. I also found that any activity that requires your full concentration – for me it was playing music – can also still your mind. It doesn’t sound like much but getting a breather from your own pain can be a lifesaver.

    I promise you won’t always feel this way, and that you will experience peace and happiness again. In the meantime, be patient with yourself and trust that you are stronger and more resilient than you know. Healing is happening even if you can’t tell and every day that you make it through is a day where you are a winner.

    November 10, 2016 at 11:05 am #120070
    Mel
    Participant

    Thanks, it just feels like Im going nowhere.

    I found out through a trusted friend that my ex said one of the other reasons why she broke up with me is because she had nothing to learn from me especially sexually. I know my ex is quite a sexual person but she always said how she was satisfied in that department to me and her close friends. She was the first person ive been in a relationship with, kissed and lost my virginity to so she is very special to me but this has just made me feel so terrible and less confident with myself. She always appreciated that i came from a very strict upbringing anc never had an issue with this before. I know im inexperienced compared to her but I dont understand why she would have stayed with me for 3 and a half years if she felt this way. Ive always been nervous about opening myself to people and connecting with them intimately so to hear this I feel even worse like I can never give myself fully to someone.
    I just dont know how I can ever be confident with myself with the fear of this happening to me again. I find it so hard connecting even talking to people I dont know most times.

    On top of that she said that she doesnt see a long term future for herself and this girl she broke up with me for. I know she wants to experience whats out there but for her to give up everything we had – six years of friendship for this girl she doesnt see a future with I feel like I meant nothing to her.

    Im finding it so hard to get my head around these teo things and moving on. ive been keeping myself busy amd distracted but nothing seems to really help

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