Yes I agree 110%… I know that there will be no wedding August 4th 2017. That ship has sailed already & there is no returning at this point to that dream. But I am more than ok with that. And yes – I agree with you that he, as well as myself, has made this about MY dreams, MY hopes, MY feelings, etc.

More than anything I want to get him back! More than anything I want to be there to comfort him & help him, as he has done for me. And yes, it is not going to based on what was or what could have been, it has to be a new beginning for us. I think that it should be more about the relationship with each other than all the other things. I am willing to let go of that all. I am willing to work on the things that I need to, as I know there are things he needs to work on – such as communication & learning how to deal with stress & pressure.

How do you build a new foundation though while the ruins of the old still stand. Because he is who is he, I am afraid that he is too ashamed or too embarrassed to face me or talk with me. He had his roommate bring everything to me, not him. He didn’t want to see me. He didn’t want to deal with what has happened. My fear is that right now, if it is true what his friend/roommate told my mom about them never seeing him this way, is he even in the right frame of mind to have a conversation or listen to what I have to say. The last thing I want to do is pressure him any further than I already have, if that makes sense.

What is the first step? How do I begin the re-building phase if this?

Hi Anita –

Sorry I have not gotten back to this site sooner… So last I communicated with you was a week ago Monday. I actually text him Wednesday morning asking if we could talk. He replied with, “I’ll call you later tonight”. I wrote him back saying, “I would rather do it face to face please”, & he responded with, “I’ll call you later”. So I took that & let it be. That night around 9:30 he called me. I answered the phone calmly & he was cold. He said to me, “You wanted to talk…”, so coldly, like I have meant nothing to him. Like we were never engaged to be married or had an ENTIRE wedding planned out & basically paid for!! So, I calmly said to him, well it has been a month now since we last talked & I was worried about you. I wasn’t ok, you weren’t ok, I just wanted to know how you were doing. He said, “yeah well a lot of people were worried about me. I am actually doing good. Things are still crazy at work, still working everyday but, I am doing good.” I was like ok… I said I was totally caught off guard & was blindsided. I said you told me that your feelings have changed, how long were you feeling like this. He said, “Oh I guess months now…”. I was like months? He said, “Yeah well I suck at communication & that is probably why I will be single for the rest of my life, but I am working on it.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me! When I tell you that there were no signs Anita, I swear, I am not lying or making this all up! I asked him was there something I that I did or something I said that made him feel this way or have this sudden change of heart & all he could say to me was, “Well you’re pushy”… That was what I got!

It felt like he was trying to convince himself that he did the right thing or that he doesn’t love me. It is like he is blocking everything out of his life because he handle it all! It makes me so upset & sad. I don’t know if what he is saying to me is really true or he is just saying things because he is spooked & can’t handle it all. It didn’t even sound like him while I was talking with him… like he was a stranger to me. Like he wanted to be doing everything else other than talking with me, the woman he asked to marry him & the woman he told EVERYDAY that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with!

He told me that the week before he was in the hospital. He had stomach pains & went to the ER. He said all of a sudden they told him that he had appendicitis & was going in for surgery. He said that once they opened him up they found out he had a hernia ass well & they repaired that. He said he was out of work & didn’t even tell his job why he was out. I asked him why he didn’t say anything to his job & his response was, “I am on probation for 12 months & I need to prove that I cam handle this position. I didn’t want them to think badly of me.” My reaction to that was, this is your health! It’s not like you are just taking vacation & not coming into work”. He replied with, “well they found out & told me to get better so that I can return to the job. This is what I mean when I am poor at communication. I didn’t even tell my job what was going on. I can’t even communicate with my parents”.

I seriously don’t know what to do/say anymore. Do I completely let go? People tell me to follow my heart… My heart says to fight for him. Be there for him… support him, not give up! I just don’t know what to do! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I had to take the day off because I was a mess all Monday night, uncontrollably crying. I was up all night just sobbing & trying to talk myself off the ledge I was on. It is getting worse. I don’t feel that I am any better off than I was when this first happened.

I have moments of anger. I have moments of sadness… Please help me! Should I write him? Should I let it go… I am desperate!

My stress level is through the roof… It is beyond understanding. I know that you said early on that he was distressed in the relationship for a while. And Yes, he did take ownership for his short comings, such as communication however, what I do not understand is how someone could fake it AS WELL as he did. We, as women, do have intuition… and I truly believe with all my heart that IF he was NOT IN LOVE WITH ME, I would have felt it. Could he have been unhappy with certain aspects of the relationship? Of course, we all have those feelings. No one is perfect. There were things he did as well that dis-satisfied me, BUT the difference is, I would NEVER EVER have carried on or said the things he did to me, “Going Through the motions”. To me that is callous & cowardly! When things were off between us, or I had said something that upset him, such as the case with Daisy, I knew. He acted different. I felt it… And she alone, caused much distress in our relationship, without a doubt… So how could I have been so blindsided & not saw it coming.

Yes I asked him for reassurance because I could not believe this man, this perfect man, really was as head over heels in love with me. You seriously had no idea how much disbelief this has caused amongst everyone! Even his friends said to me that they never thought that Sean was unhappy with me. The way he talked about me to them, they were just as in shock as I was & my ENTIRE FAMILY!