hello friends,

it was 4+ years ago when I discovered TB in my desperate hour of need. Many of you helped with your wise words and compassion. I find myself here again after many years of soul searching and life changing decisions. I moved to Ireland 4 ago for a masters and stayed here for love and career. I met a man 2.5 years ago and after just casually dating him for 3 months, I lost my father in the states. It was beyond devastating and shocking as my dad died all of a sudden. Throughout this time this man remained with me, helping me deal with my pain which I couldn’t express in front of my family. When I got back from the states, he was there and we fell in love. We moved in together a few months after that and have been living together for a year and a half. I want to move back to the states for my elderly mother but he and the job keeps me in Ireland. I have always been upfront with him about marriage and life. I am 35 and I want a marriage. Last year he took a weekend away to figure out if he wanted the same. It was hard and heart wrenching but he came back positive and determined to be with me. Fast forward this year when I am trying to get all our duck in a row about marriage and move to America, he is having those doubts again. Per him he has always had those doubts but with the time approaching fast, he is worried that he is making a decision to marry me out of fear more than love. So he is off again to think. I am utterly devastated as I know it’s over and I keep hanging on to hope that it isn’t. The worst part is that I know I won’t find anyone ever as I am “too old” now. I feel angry towards him but he is still my best friend. I don’t know what to do. End it myself and walk away? Or wait for his decision?

any wise words here will be helpful. I thank you for reading this!

namaste