Hello, all. This is the 3rd day of School for me and I already feel lost. Before, I thought I had it figured out, I thought I had a dream, I thought I had a goal, I thought I established my wants, my strengths, my weaknesses, and emotional peace. Now here I am venting, and just finding advice in my small part of life. This is the first time I vented, so excuse me I have no idea what I am doing. I started feeling this way when I took my first honors class, honors chemistry, I completed the basic math review, and had a online assignment. That online assignment really put into perspective on how ignorant I am. I never regarded myself as smart, I regarded myself of someone that bounces back, but this online assignment, in a long time proved to me that I was an idiot. I questioned myself, the whole entire time, I have an overactive mind, and that really blew this out of proportions. I had thoughts of my idiotnesses, my worth, what my family would think of me, did I deserve to be here, why am I in this class, am I able to complete this class, can I even possibly do it?

I only took that class for the challenge, and being blew back by how much I don’t know, really makes me question it. I am in a constant back and forth, should I go back and stick to the “comfort” classes in which I get high grades but don’t feel challenged, or feeling overwhelmingly challenged but feel that I can’t do it. I just don’t know anymore, compared to other people, my struggle is nothing compared to them. I feel that I don’t know what I want, comfort or ambition. I also did a mistake that I know I should have not done. Comparing myself to other people, just for some reason I thought of how easy this class must be for other people, or how much of a no effort they just seem to do. I know most of them are in multiple honors classes, while I this is my first honor class. I just feel lost, I just don’t know what I want.

TL;dr Took a class that challenged me, immediately known how much of a challenge this class was, got frustrated on a online homework, started questioning whether I should just drop it or keep going, asking myself what I truly want comfort or ambition, added to the feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do.

Thanks for reading this, typing this helped me vent my frustration a bit lol.