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Holiday Madness

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • November 28, 2015 at 6:33 am #88456
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,

    Hope everyone had a great holiday and more to come. My topic is a question based off the holiday seasons. My wife had a bad up bringing and when the holidays come around she gets angry when we spend time with my family. In the past she has stated she is jealous of what I have with my family. I spent time with her family and everything goes smooth. When its time to spend with my family she puts down everything all the way up to the event so Im bummed out by time it comes around. After leaving time with my family she bad mouths everything….I dont know what to do. My family is very good to her and they get along but still there is problems. Suggestions please.

    The rest of the year she is fine, around my family and otherwise. I love the holidays and dont want to dread them like I have been because of her. She wont go to therapy, not that I care….we have in the past and made very little progress. I dont know how to get her to stop the behavior.

    November 28, 2015 at 6:51 am #88458
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear The Thinker:

    You wrote that she had a bad upbringing and that when you spend time with her family (and her present there), “everything goes smooth”- I wonder if she holds her anger against her family, her parents, down, repressing it when spending time with them and that is why everything goes smooth then. But when she is with your family for the holidays, or about to be, that same anger, repressed, comes to the surface. It could be that she is afraid to express her anger with the people with whom she does have unresolved issues, but is not afraid to express it to you.

    If so, it is a matter for therapy for her. This is HER issue, her problem to solve, her responsibility. I understand her motivation, how intensely, I assume, she feels and.. almost HAS to express it. I have done it. I hurt others like she is hurting you, through no fault of your own.

    It takes maturity on her part to control her emotions during the holidays, maybe stay home alone, if that is what it takes and let you spend time with your family alone during the holidays. Simply tell your family the truth… or not, but show up alone, I think that is the best solution for now.

    And let her know it is HER responsibility to heal the hurt she has regarding her family, not yours and it is her responsibility to NOT dump her anger on you and your family.

    anita

    November 28, 2015 at 7:29 am #88462
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, I think your right but when I suggest therapy she claims its no good and gets angry. She believes everyone else is to blame.

    November 28, 2015 at 7:32 am #88463
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear The Thinker:

    Is this, her blaming everyone else, those NOT guilty, for her anger, is that a problem only during the holidays, as you suggested? It is hard for me to imagine that…???

    anita

    November 28, 2015 at 7:49 am #88466
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    No, that is all year long. She never looks inward to take blame for what she has done wrong or caused herself be become angry. Always pointing the finger outward. I know thats another topic for therapy but how do you get someone to look inward when they feel they arent to blame?

    November 28, 2015 at 7:57 am #88467
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear The Thinker:

    “How do you get someone to look inward…?”

    Can’t. Absolutely impossible.

    How are you doing with this, dealing with this? I assume you do look inward. How has this thing about her made you feel about her? How much of a problem is it in your life?

    anita

    November 28, 2015 at 9:01 am #88468
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    Im taking this pretty heavy right now. I fear the future with her and Im starting to get tired of trying to help a person who only wants to attack in return. Im getting to the point I want out of the marriage.

    November 28, 2015 at 9:09 am #88469
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear The Thinker:

    I hope you get clearer and clearer about what is and what will be best for you. You feel pretty heavy, you wrote. If and when you would like to post here and get my responses, please do. I will respond.

    Best to you:
    anita

    November 28, 2015 at 9:15 am #88470
    PathOfPeace
    Participant

    Thanks Anita.

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