My story is that I am in my early 30’s and met a man 12 months ago that has made me beleive in true love. Our relationship together is very supportive, affectionate, caring, loving and understanding. He has everything I would look for in someone. I find him very attractive, he is a very kind person, he has a good career, people think he is a very special person, physically we connect well, my friends and family like him, we laugh together and enjoy the same things. He is my best friend. He is so supprtive of me and loves me unconditionally.

But

I have recently had some concerns about our future due to his past. My boyfriend was married before and has two children who he sees every other weekend. They are 3 and 7. I get along well with the children and we do nice things together. They seem to have a good relationship with me. Their mother is in another relationship and her partner is supportive in relation to the children. He has told his ex that he will be moving forward with his life with me. We have decided that we would now like a future together and I will be moving to another city (i was living there before) to buy a house together and start a family of our own. The thing is, I have this tendnacy to focus on what my plans were ‘meant to be’ and I am struggling to get used to this situation as it is not what I would have considered as the ‘ideal’ situation.

I am a born worrier and I am very indeceisive. I struggle to make life decisons through fear of making the wrong ones. I suffer with axiety and sometimes I feel quite low. He is very understanding of me and the problems I face. When I am with him, we have the best time. We go on regular holidays and have weekends cooking meals, watching tv and generally just being together. I feel like he is ‘the one’ for me.

I come from a family where this sort of thing is not considered to be the ‘ideal’. I know my mum has a hard time dealing with the fact that her successful daughter has chosen to be with a man with a past. She states that she is happy for me if I am happy but I can’t get rid of this new nagging doubt. What if I’m making the wrong choice? What if I could find someone else without the baggage? But what if I regret not having him in my life? Maybe these doubts are a preminition? If I love him surely I should be able to deal with this situation better?

I speak to him all of the time, we lived together previously for 12 months and we were happy together but I did struggle with the children as we had them for frequently and it wasnt my home so I always felt out of place. They are also at a difficult age. When I am not with him I miss him dearly. He undersands my feelings of doubt but tells me that we can work through anything together and that he will always make me a priority. He explains that he wants to have the marriage and family. He desires this with me.

I suppose I’m just scared what other people think, that I’m not doing things in my life the ‘coventional’ way and I really worry if I am making the right decision. On the other hand I know I love him, dislike being without him and feel like we have a special relationship that I know some people would give their right arm for! I also know that we as humans suffer from ‘the grass is greener’ ideology frequently and I keep this in mind. I think I am a peron who struggles to find happiness, as I am a glass half empty person and I am very pessimistic. I am very hard on myself and set expectations for myself at a very high level. I just want to be at peace with his past and not have this anxiety which I carry around with me all of the time. It is affecting my moods, my eating and my sleep.

I would appreciate some advice regarding this from anyone here,

Thanks in advance,