Dear DeepSoul:

You wrote (not in this order): “I have always kept people at a distance…My mum has often told me even as a child I wouldn’t tell anyone there was a problem until I literally couldn’t take it anymore”

“I fear (people) disliking me once they know what goes through my mind. I also fear judgment and not being taken seriously“.

You were a very open young child. You were born that way, crying, letting the world know you were distressed, letting your mother know when you were hungry and uncomfortable. As a young girl you automatically and naturally shared what you felt. Children are like this, naturally.

Then what happened at one point on, was that after you expressed yourself you were disliked, judged, and not taken seriously, repeatedly. The very things you fear now (the italicized, in my quote of you) already happened to you as a child.

You are welcome to share here anything you’d like. It will not burden me. I will not dislike you as a result of you sharing, will not judge you and I will take you seriously.

anita

Dear DeepSoul:

Attempting to look for the origin of your struggle I go back to what you shared here: “My mum has often told me even as a child I wouldn’t tell anyone there was a problem until I literally couldn’t take it anymore”-

Does she believe, do you think, that you were born that way, not inclined to tell her there is a problem until you burst (the verb you used)?

I wonder how often she told you this (you wrote she told you this often), and in what circumstances and when she said “as a child”, what ages was she referring to.

anita

Dear DeepSoul:

No, you weren’t born that way, very unlikely. Unlike what your mother told you, you were not “always been this way.”

How do I know, you may ask. After all I don’t know you more than what you shared in this thread. I know because a baby is born care free, not withholding anything, not keeping things to herself. This is nature.

And so, I don’t need to know you much so to know that if you are human, then you are like other humans in this basic way: born not withholding anything.

You wrote that nothing significant happened in your childhood to cause you to withhold information, to keep your emotions to yourself- well, being rejected doesn’t necessarily take a dramatic memorable form, such as being beaten up with a whip that draws blood. Rejection could have been ignoring you when you cried, ignoring you when you shared anything that was inconvenient to your mother to hear, or telling you that you shouldn’t feel this way, or responding to your sharing in an annoyed way.

These are less memorable yet powerful rejections.

anita