This is all probably going to sound quite silly but I am feeling very upset at the moment and I just don’t know how to handle my situation.

I currently have one of the best friends I have ever had. He is always there for me when I am feeling down and when I am happy and has been for the last 5 years. During this time I have dated guys (he hasn’t mentioned dating anyone) which is where his advice seems to be at his worst. I never feel like he is jealous or anything as he doesn’t say much at all just smiles (in RL) or sends lol or a smiling emoji by text if another guy is mentioned (even just a celeb crush).

He has been flirty with me in the past and even suggested once that we could be a couple and complained I had friend zoned him but as quick as that happened is as quick as he changed back to his friends only type behaviour, I asked him why he was saying things like that and he just said he didn’t know, he was just strange.

He texts/talks to me every day, without fail, usually morning texts and good night ones with lots in between including calls to invite me to coffee and he has previously introduced me to his Mother saying I was the next most important person in his life and wanted me to know her. We are closer than I have ever been with anyone before (including boyfriends) and I think this is where my feelings have developed. I know he is not interested in a relationship, he has said he does not do relationships and isn’t interested in dating and has complained to me about girls always thinking he wants to date them when he just likes to be friendly but recently I have found it really hard to cope with.

My feelings are not getting any easier and I have spoken to him about it, he’s so easy to confide in and rarely makes me feel awkward, I said I feel like I need to mentally detach from him for a little while to give myself some time to get over him but he didn’t seem too keen on that idea although he did ask how he could help without stopping our communication. I don’t think he really understands as he knows he has been honest with me and I should understand his wishes, which I do, but my feelings have not received the same memo as my brain. Sometimes I feel like he acts like he is my boyfriend (nothing naughty) just very caring, flirty and funny but without any of the commitment.

He has told me he loves me, in a best friend way, but the other day I seen something on his WhatsApp status that upset me and he did not make it any easier when I asked him about it. He has basically written “I want you, show me you want me too” which I know, due to his reaction, wasn’t meant for me. I mentioned it that night, said I didn’t know he liked anyone but I was happy for him and he said the only thing he wants is for me to always be in his life which was just a weird answer so I left it until the next morning when he got very defensive and basically told me it was a private joke between him and his mate then told me to stop jumping to conclusions and ask next time. I replied saying I did ask last night but you didn’t answer it very well, he was grumpy with me then for a couple of hours. This is the first time he has ever been like that with me but the defensive behaviour is suggesting something else is going on and he isn’t being honest so I feel even more hurt that he is, possibly, lying to me.

We have been through so much together, he supported me when my Dad got sick a couple of years ago, and I do not want this to put an end to a wonderful friendship but how do I stop the pain of it hurting so much?