Dear William:

First part of my post will be quotes of what you shared in the order you shared it. Second,  I will put together what I quoted in a different order, not including any of my interpretations. Third, I will integrate my interpretations to the story.

1. “I am a 23 year old man and I live at home with both my parents and my siblings…  I’ve begun to notice character flaws in my father such as passivity, close-mindedness, ignorance, obliviousness and alcoholism. This has maybe been exacerbated by my mother who will ridicule him for possessing these traits behind his back. As I’ve noticed these flaws more and more, I’ve become increasingly resentful, in a passive and indirect way.. it hurts me to think that I am descended from such a flawed person… My father and I are quite close and I’m very open with him.. he is very sensitive like myself.. he’s actually by far the most successful person in the extended family, he just struggles with handling his emotions and  mental health. This post is more representative of my sentiments towards him, than how he actually is”.

2. You are 23, living at home with your parents and siblings. You are quite close to your father, and are very open with him. Your father is a very sensitive man who struggles with handling his emotions and his mental health, and he is the most successful person in your extended family. Your mother ridicules him behind his back for being passive, close-minded, ignorant, oblivious, and an alcoholic. You’ve become increasingly resentful in a passive and indirect way and it hurts you to think that you descended from such a flawed man, and you see some of his traits in yourself.

3. Your trust your father, that is why you feel close to him, and why you are very open with him. You know that he will not hurt you.  On the other hand, you know that your mother ridicules your father behind his back, so you know better than to trust her.

You know that your father is very sensitive, like yourself, and therefore, you know that your mother’s behaviors (ridiculing him behind his back, which he knows about and likely in his presence as well) hurts him a lot. And it hurts you too, to see your mother hurting your father because you feel close to him. Empathetic toward your father,  you feel angry at your mother for hurting him, and you feel angry at your father for having the flaws that he has.

Witnessing your father’s flaws, you figure that he deserves your mother’s (and your own) disrespect. But you  know that it is only a matter of time before your mother ridicules you behind your back as well. Maybe she already does.

Your father struggles with years of ridicule by your mother, and yet, he does the best he can, and has been objectively the most successful person in your extended family.. but he has never been successful enough to earn your mother’s respect. He struggles with handling his emotions and mental health while living with a hostile wife.

He is passive perhaps because he is tired from working hard and spending his after-work life with a ridiculing wife. He is close-minded, ignorant and oblivious, in part because he needs to close his mind best he can to your mother’s ridicule, and he needs to be as ignorant and oblivious to her as much as possible. (No man, woman or child will open his/ her mind when ridiculed).

anita