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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week ago.

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  • #178051

    Zoe
    Participant

     

    So my boyfriend of a year finished our relationship about 3 months ago. He asked to stay friends, I knew that it was not a good idea to do so but I have some chronic health conditions and he is really the only close friend I have

     

    I am not in the position at the moment where I can make new friends and he is a big part of my life so I agreed to stayin friends.

     

    3 months on and not much about our relationship has changed, we are no longer intimate but we still speak daily and go out to eat together regularly etc.

     

    I know he had profiles online dating sites and know it will only be a matter of time until he starts dating again. This makes me feel awful as I think if that happens he will not then have the time for me and I also know that if he treats the new girlfriend well it will hurt that he didn't treat me the same.

     

    I am not in the position to date myself as my health has declined.

     

    My question is do I remain friends and live with the hurt and jealousy when he starts to date or do I end the friendship now

     

    I get a lot from this friendship and he is there for me to talk to and I dont have this with anyone else

     

    In the past I would not have remained friends as I know it's normally not a good idea, but I feel because of my health and lack of anyone else it makes my situation different

     

    Would appreciate and thought s

     

    Thanks

     

     

    #178141

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zoe:

    I read  your thread and re-read your previous thread on the same topic.

    I don't think it  matters if “it's normally not a good idea”, to remain friends, that  is. what matters is if  it  is a good idea for you. There is no rule on this matter that fit all people and  all circumstances. At least, there shouldn't be such a rule.

    In your case, the two of you were friends before and  after the closer relationship, and that has worked out for you. If it works well for the two of you, I don't see a reason to end the friendship. I understand your worry about him starting to date, and  so, it  is  not a perfectly comfortable friendship, but what friendship is perfectly comfortable?

    I wish it wasn't so, but there is very little  in life that we  can count  on to remain the same, to continue, to be there tomorrow and  the next day and forever more.

    anita

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