For the past 8 years I’ve been hiding my authentic self. My sophomore year of high school I began dating my first girl. She was my best friend and reflecting over this process I realized that it was all my fault. I sparked the conversation some how, some way and I regret it. My life has been going downhill since that year of high school. Year after year I found myself attracted to more and more females but i am not sure if that love was genuine. I would use these people until they have given me everything and when I didn’t find any interest in them anymore I would move on to someone new.  I feel like complete shit for doing this to people I loved and cared about but there was something in me that didn’t let me settle. Now, I am in my fourth relationship in the past eight years and I’m getting that empty feeling again. I am beginning to feel like I shouldn’t be in this relationship anymore. She hasn’t done anything but there is just something that makes me want to leave. It is getting hard to stick around. I am use to leaving people after the good feelings have gone away, but this time is different. I feel like i have something to prove to myself but I also feel bad, I don’t want to use this girl up until she has nothing to give to feed my own ego. I love my partner and she has definitely helped me become a better person but how do I push pass this. How do I forgive myself from all of the hurt I’ve caused ? I don’t want to be empty anymore and I want to be able to feel love. For once I just want to feel pure love. How do I Fix this?

* And if this helps, my family doesn’t know about my sexuality. They aren’t accepting of the LGBT community.

(I apologize if none of this makes sense)