Is it intuition? From what you say, it seems he’s stopped thinking of this girl ages ago. No, I think this is pure insecurity, and a strange fixation on “firsts”. You know, the first time you do something, you’re generally not very good at it. You have a chance to have a relationship with a more mature, experienced version of him. This is a good thing.

Maybe you were told too much about their relationship, but after all this time it is time to let go. Clearly they didn’t match. They weren’t perfect for each other. That’s why they broke up. And actually, no, I never think that when I see a couple, because you don’t know. Especially standing outside of the relationship, all you can say is, well, they seem happy. But you don’t know.

OK, so you’re jealous. You recognise this is something for you to fix, so that’s a good start. Here’s an idea you may not have tried. You don’t want to be jealous, but you feel it anyway. You want to let go, but you return again and again to obsessing about it and getting worked up.

Some part of you is feeding itself on this jealousy. That is, you get something out of obsessing and feeling this way. Otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it.

Try thinking about what that something could be. What are the upsides of being jealous and angry at him over his previous relationship?

You need a degree of fearlessness to work this method. You’ll need to look into yourself and see some of the ugly faces of your psyche. But if you do, you have a way out of your predicament. Once you know what this part of you is after, you can try to find other ways of providing it, that don’t have anything to do with this other girl.

Let me know if this confuses the hell out of you. It’s kind of a weird one. I’ve known it to work very well with stuck patterns of emotion, though.

All my best wishes.

Yes, ask yourself why you’re holding on to this jealousy.

Specifically, imagine there’s some part of you, some corner of your psyche, that thinks it’s really important to stay jealous and fixated on this other girl and find out once and for all if he’s really really really over her. Then ask this part of your psyche (you can imagine it as a creature or animal if you like) Why? What would happen if I wasn’t jealous anymore? What would happen if I let go? What does it get me to hold on? What’s the benefit of holding on?

And please, you’re not being crazy. You’re just stuck on something, or something is stuck in your head. You recognise it’s not rational and it’s bothering you. That’s normal enough. And you are here asking for advice on how to address it or work with it or learn to let it go. That’s totally rational and you’re taking care of yourself. So try giving yourself a little credit when you start to feel like “Ugh why can’t I let this go already!!!???” You’re working on it. You’ve worked at getting stuck on this for four years. It may need a little time before it’s ready to loosen. Be patient with yourself.