How Do I Let Things Go That Bother Me

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    I just don't how to let things go. I don't understand why it had to happen to me. I don't think I would have good marriage or relationship with anyone because I get flash back or nightmares of things that had happened to me.
    What I do different to make it easier for me?



    I couldn't have phrased the question better myself.

    Since I started meditating, I've become acutely aware of how often I get bothered. I'm actually quite bothered with myself right now, and I can't pinpoint any reason for it.

    I get bothered by things people say and do. I get bothered by weather and temperature. I get bothered by work. I get bothered with the things I say and do. And I see it all around me all the time – people being bothered. People constantly complaining about one thing or another or complaining about themselves, their spouses, their children, their jobs, their lives.

    At any given point in time, something doesn't feel quite right and no matter how good it gets, the mind finds a fault. Some little thing to nitpick at and ruminate over. It's amazing to watch it and recognize it as your mind regrets the past, finds the present inadequate, and becomes worried about the future. It just jumps from those three states back and forth, back and forth in an endless loop.

    I think everyone experiences this and some people more severely than others depending on their life experiences and anxieties and stresses they're faced with. Sometimes, the anxiety and stress is so bad it leaves deep scars that take a long time to heal resulting in unpleasant flash backs and nightmares.

    So back your question, how do you truly let go completely? Once you've rehashed the past, healed the wounds, forgiven yourself and everyone around you, when does the “bothering” stop? How do you achieve that true freedom and release?

    To be honest, I wish I had an answer, but right now, I don't. I'm still searching. But I do appreciate you bringing up the topic and phrasing the question so well because it echoes exactly what I'm feeling and thinking about as well.



    Angie and John,

    This reminds me of a teaching i was given on the nature of phenomena. Imagine there were an illusionist on a stage who placed a stone on the table in the center of the stage. She says some magic words and a spell comes down over the rock to make it appear like a pile of gold. The people in the audience see the pile, and immediately begin to think thoughts such as “I want the gold, I wish to be rich, I need to be faster and more cunning than the person next to me to get that gold, etc etc.” The magician knows its a rock, but was part of the spell, and so even though she knows it is a rock, it still looks like gold.

    For the magician, there is only the cloudy perception, and she knows it is cloudy so she doesn't have the cravings for the gold. For the audience, there is a cloudy perception and no knowledge of its true nature, so there is craving. The Buddha, or one who is awake, sees the rock.

    Said differently, the moment we experience the trauma is the rock. Immediately the mind casts a spell on the rock to make it appear permanent, continuous, gold. That is trauma, this is me. As we practice, we become aware that it is a rock, but it still initiates grasping in the mind because the painful emotions feel “real” or “permanent” or “lasting”. When we have a direct perception of the spellcasting, we see that it is impermanent, empty of qualities of gold-ness. In the Buddha, because there isn't a view arising in the mind, she or he can listen to the descriptions of the object on the table from whomever, and cast the anti-spell which frees the magician to see the rock directly and the audience to know that the gold is a rock (even though they continue to see gold).

    Angie, if you'd like more information, would you be willing to be more specific? Different problems manifest in unique ways, and with a little more information we may be able to help more directly!

    John, all things which arise have within them the conditions for their cessation. Said differently, agitation looks like agitation when we are agitated, and luminous potential we are at rest.

    With warmth,



    Matt, I agree with Angie how do you let go of the thoughts of the attachment to someone or things you have lost or never found etc? How did you not get attached to these emotions and not let things bother you and trying so hard to be happy that you are just exhausted?
    I've become the saddest happy person ever !




    The answer to your question is the same as the answer for Angie, in that each lock has a certain key. Said differently, it depends on the attachment in question. Otherwise it becomes very general, such as “opening up the space around the emotion” or “sitting meditation” or “metta practice”. The Buddha said that the solution to all suffering is following the 8 fold path, but unless one knows what is absent it is difficult to know what to do, what strings to cut.

    Part of cultivating the path of awareness of self is to recognize where you are suffering. It is not pertinent, for instance, to attempt to remove the painful feelings, because painful feelings are only there to make us alert. If we put our hand in the fire, it is good and just to feel pain. That way we know to remove our hand. We only need to let go of the painful emotions that arise from blaming the fire for being hot. Said differently, where are you burned? Where have you been blaming others for your painful feelings? What have you been doing that has left you feeling empty and restless?

    I'm not omniscient, nor enlightened, so I can not target without more information present. 🙂 It is like asking someone how to cook better. Cook what? What ingredients? Speaking of that, dinner's ready… 🙂

    With warmth,



    Thank you for all of you'll comments.



    There's a lot of things I could think, wonder, feel about but just don't how to write it down. I would try but I just throw the paper away or I just stop writing.

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