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How Do I Show Him I'm Serious?

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  • #225949
    Hemingway1
    Participant

    Recently, I’ve reconnected with a guy that has pursued me for a while now. The problem is that I previously rejected him and did not return his texts and phone calls. I’ve spent time thinking about why I did this and it comes from a deep rooted fear of rejection, guilt, and anxiety from my past family experiences.

    We crossed paths again a couple of weeks ago when I was spending time with a friend and ran into him out a bar. I apologized for what I did and I deeply regret it. He decided to give me a chance and I am really happy that he decided to.

    Fast foward to today we have gone on one date and are still in touch. I am interested in him and I do feel like I am starting to get feelings. I can’t stop thinking about him. He is acting cautious and playing hard to get and I completely understand why. I’ve been doing a lot of the pursuing this time and I am starting to worry that I may be coming on too strong.

    Yesterday, he went to a music festival with friends and dropped by a bar I was at to meet one of my best friends before heading home. I texted him thank you for stopping by and he still hasn’t responded. He did ask me before leaving last night to text him about what I was doing next weekend.

    Should I keep doing the pursuing? I don’t want to push him away. I would just like to see him to start initiating conversations first and ask me out. I feel guilty because I know I don’t deserve that because of how I treated him. How can I show him I’m serious without coming on too strong?

    #225959

    Hi,

    I think you have done your job with apologising. When he gave you the second chance, it means you guys agreed on a fresh start. I understand he’s the cautious one now, but not replying and still expecting you to let him know your weekend plans is kinda rude. You can wait for him to respond your text, and then ask him what he’s up to for the weekend and after that maybe look if he’s responsive to your efforts.

    Best of luck,

    #226087
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hemaingway1:

    Good to read from you again!

    You can tell him that you are interested but that you don’t want to do all the pursuing, that you hope he does some of it himself. Then wait. If he makes one pursuing move within a reasonable amount of time, within a week, make the next. Then wait again. If he doesn’t make the next move, don’t  make yours. I don’t see any other way.

    I hope you post again with an update about the situation, hopes it goes well.

    anita

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