Dear Anonymous:

I think that we often don’t know our parents. No one is more invested in seeing one’s parents in the most positive light than a child. And not only when a child is minor, but in adulthood. As a stranger I can see a person more accurately in one day than the child of that person sees in his/her whole life, simply because I never had the strong motivation to feel safe with that (other person’s) parent, that is, I was never and am not emotionally invested

We often don’t see people as they are once we are invested in them. Emotional investment shapes how we see people.

It is not only about missing such dramatic issues as one being a pedophile. We miss a lot of less dramatic things as seeing one as loving to us while that person is not. Not talk-show-attention-grabbing but very significant nonetheless.

anita

Dear Anonymous:

You are welcome. When you meet someone, get to know that person before you get emotionally involved. It is that emotional involvement that stands in the way of seeing people the way they are.

I don’t know the particular story you are referring to, but most common it is not that you know a person and out of nowhere you find out that person is a something horrific, that is rarely the case. What is most often the case, is that the evidence is there and people are blind to it.

So if you keep your eyes and ears open and get to know a person, without operating under the influence of strong emotion, you will get a lot of information on the person. I hope you consider this and be less scared.

anita