Hello Gracie,

I too can relate with your “Ah huh” moment of finding that loving yourself is important to be happy with or without a relationship. There’s a saying which says that “the best way out is through.” It seems as if our fears are triggered by intense relationships, which really just means that we care a lot. Just to reiterate what others have said: The key here is to be on your own, so that our security and happiness isn’t tied to someone else. When we are happy on our own, we can put our foot down and that will really help us be happier.

I truly believe that we also cling to relationships or have unfulfilled relationships because our needs aren’t being met. It’s important to figure out what your needs are in a relationship and only you can figure those out. For example, I thought I wanted to spend more time with my partner, but in reality I just wanted to be held and have some verbal form of validation of security. No matter how great a relationship is, security is important for me and I think the best way to remind ourselves from time to time is to just verbalize it. So, something to ponder would be what your relationship needs are? With self love may come the realization that you deserve the best, which can really help us let go of unfulfilling relationships to open up space for love.