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How do you regain trust?

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  • #160230
    jj2013
    Participant

    To clarify, we are married but we haven’t married religiously (which is the main wedding) thus the talk about the engagement – sorry if that is confusing. In either case, getting married is only a piece of paper, I don’t think trust has anything to do with marriage, it is something general in any type of relationship.

    #160240
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jj2013:

    The term “gang bang”- I looked it up online. The original meaning is a gang rape, an occurrence in prison. It also means group sex. I suppose you are talking about the latter meaning.

    You wrote about hi: “Pathological liar…  lies to me… he tells you what you want to hear, not the actual truth”

    You asked: “please tell me what you have done to regain trust in the event that I chose to reconcile with him”- trusting someone means to believe that he is telling you the truth, to rely on that person to be telling the truth.

    I was in a relationship with a person who told untruths a whole lot. What I did to regain trust in that person was to doubt myself. I figured: that person cannot possibly lie to me. I must be thinking wrong. I can’t rely on my own thinking. a result of that was that I was messed up and the relationship was bad.

    I do not recommend my “solution” and hope you find a better way.

    anita

     

     

     

     

    #160504
    Alexis
    Participant

    Brene Brown uses the acronym BRAVING for what makes a person trustworthy. If/when he meets these criteria, then you can consider placing your trust in him again:

    B – Boundaries.  You respect my boundaries and when you are not clear about what’s OK and what’s not OK, you ask. You are willing to say no.

    R – Reliability.  You do what you say you’ll do.  At work this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so that you don’t over-promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.

    A – Accountability.  You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.

    V – Vault.  You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share.  I need to know that my confidences are  kept and that you are not sharing with me information about other people that should be confidential.

    I – Integrity.  You choose courage over comfort.  You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy.  And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.

    N – Non-judgment.  I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need.  We can talk about how we feel without judgment.

    G – Generosity.  You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and actions of others.

     

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