I wanted to get insight on what others have done or are currently doing to regain trust in your significant other after an almost cheat situation.

Facts: Together 4.5 years, never cheated on me physically just emotionally when he was 24 years old (flirting on the internet with exes, etc.). I am 26, he is now 28. He got caught by me conspiring to do a gang bang with another guy and 2 other girls. Claims he loves me (obviously not). Pathological liar and I don’t know what triggers it; lies to me but also to his mom (she and I don’t get along at all, we haven’t spoken in 2 years), he tells you what you want to hear, not the actual truth (example over parking tickets, etc). Said he feels so bad about this situation, several of our friends have taken my side and stopped talking to him, I don’t know if he is sorry for getting caught or for the actual act he committed (planning to do the gang bang). He never met up with them and when I asked if I hadn’t found the text messages in his phone would he have continued through with it (yes, I have been going through his phone since the very beginning of our relationship and stopped for about a year and a half and I don’t know what hit me but I did it again a few days ago and found the messages I am talking about), he said he wouldn’t have f**ked them but would have met with them. Then I asked, “so at what point would you have stopped? After messaging them? After meeting them in person for a coffee to talk about it? After meeting at the hotel room? After stripping down? After foreplay?” His answer was: would have stopped when he met them at the hotel room because he would have felt like sh*t for doing it to me. But then there is me thinking to myself, which 28 year-old guy would not want to b*ng 2 naked sisters in front of his eyes?

I haven’t decided if I want to be with him again (I kicked him out yesterday after finding out the day before, I needed it to sink in for 1 night and then I made my call to kick him out), he may be returning back in a couple weeks (he is 100% being faithful right now, I have many measures in place to verify this – not up for discussion). In the event that I can live past this, I will allow him to move back in, what have you done to overcome trust issues and to gain trust in someone again? I can guarantee I will not be having sex with him for at least a month or more, I don’t know if I will even kiss him in the first month even when he moves back in, I’m so disgusted.

I know he has a ring to propose with, he has had it for about 6 months (or so I am told), but doesn’t want to propose until he pays me back an amount of money he borrowed from me over the last couple of years – this is all what I think. But here we have him days away from a gang bang yet he invested into a ring??? I am soooo lost. He is 28, this is no midlife crisis.

Please don’t share advice on whether I should be with him or not, I will make up my mind about that on my own, just please tell me what you have done to regain trust in the event that I chose to reconcile with him. I don’t know if I still love him but I do know that my answer will be “No” when he proposes if it is anytime soon. I know the formula and have tested it for getting over a guy, approximately takes half the time of the length of your relationship; is there a similar formula for regaining trust?

Thank you for reading and thanks in advance for helping!!