Dear Michelle:
In early March of last year, you shared that this man has “anger issues”.
You wrote: “He has been extremely stressed at work… He continuously called me an asshole… He didn’t stop, I have turned off my phone because I can’t listen to him anymore. He brought up the same points he made Saturday about me not caring about the relationship because I haven’t applied in North Carolina…he has again thrown the same comments in my face about not doing anything for the relationship… He has accused me of being unfaithful when I haven’t. All I so is study and work… I am hurt that he gave into his anger already. This makes me scared… I am tired of being yelled at and crying because the person I love treats me like this.”
What you shared then and yesterday leads me to this understanding: what troubles your boyfriend are things from way before you came into his life.
It was not the job he had before that was responsible for his anger issues then. It is not his current job that is responsible for his anger issues now. It is not the distance from his family, friends and you that was responsible a year ago for his anger issues then. It is not you who is responsible for his anger now.
It is in his early relationships in his young life where his anger originated. His anger originated in his parents/ care takers not loving him enough, not doing enough for him, not attending to him when he was distressed, being alone with his distress.
In his adult life he inaccurately projects his anger into you, blaming you for not loving him enough, for not doing enough for him (for the relationship), etc.
And as a result you feel guilty.
Your thoughts…?
anita
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