February 16, 2017 at 8:14 am #127847
I just want to thank everyone working on this site, and everyone helping others by replying .
How to make friends, is the hardest question for me, and the one question that I couldn’t find an answer to, it might seems so easy for some people, but for me, it’s been haunting me for years.
Actually, all of my friends (which are few) approached to me instead of me approaching to them.
In school, I was lucky enough to find some people approaching to me and being friends with me.
In the last semester it was my first semester in college, it I was the most loneliest semester I have ever had in my life. I literally had no one to talk to. And now it’s the second semester, and it seems to be like the last one, lonely.
Whenever I try to talk to someone, it just seems awkward, and I don’t know what to say, and even if I found something to say, I just can’t get the words out of my mouth, so I just give up and be silent.
Sometimes in my class, I feel like everyone is judging me for being silent and quiet and lonely, I can’t even participate in classes, I just can’t get the words out of my mouth.
I’m never comfortable with new people, I only feel comfortable after talking for at least two weeks.
I only go out with my cousin, and we don’t go out a lot. And sometimes I go out with old friends but not a lot, maybe once every two months.
I want to go out every weekend, and enjoy my life instead of feeling depressed, miserable and lonely.February 16, 2017 at 9:17 am #127853
Dear John Da:
My answer: courage. Talk to another person even though you are afraid. Start small, just one little verbal exchange with another, ask him or her a simple question, listen for an answer and respond to what they say in a friendly way, a short verbal expression. Take deep breaths before, during and after.
Then, take a long break afterwards, not initiate any more talks with others and congratulate yourself for that one time that you did initiate a talk.
The next day, or the next, initiate another small verbal exchange, breathe through, take a break, congratulate yourself. Over time, with a very gentle attitude toward yourself, and with a lot of patience- you will build confidence in yourself and proceed, over time, to make friends.
anitaFebruary 17, 2017 at 8:38 am #128039
I find it easier to talk to people if we have something in common. I ask questions about music, pop culture, movies, sports, funny jokes, food, etc.
My goal when I talk to people is to make them feel comfortable around me. Make them reveal something about themselves. Being a good listener is good start and asking follow-up questions.
Ask questions that bring out what their passions are and usually the conversation goes from there.
I’m going to try to catch a movie this weekend. Have you seen any good movies lately?
I’m craving some pizza. Do you know of any good pizza places you like to go?
Hope this helps.