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How to make new friends?

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  • October 7, 2013 at 9:51 am #43362
    Grace
    Participant

    Hey, I am really new to this site! But I have been reading topics on it for a while and it has really helped me, so I thought I would pluck up the courage and post something that has been bothering me for a while on it. I have always been a lonar – I was shy and awkward at school and always only ever had one best friend at a time, and after being homeschooled from 13-16, I missed out on a lot. I have come out of my shell since then – I run my own business from home making jewellery, which I love! But all the mates I did have have either started families or gone to university and moved on, and I feel pretty stuck. From time to time I see my best friend and her baby boy, and I get asked out on dates occasionally, but I just feel lonely – I wish I had that close knit group of friends you see on tv, or read about in books… someone to go out with, chat with, ring up when you feel bored/sad. It used to be boyfriends I relied on for that kind of company, but I want a break from dating, and I am on the search for friends. I have got in touch with old friends, met up (but it felt a bit awkward as our lives are so different now) and they would say, yeah! Lets do this again some time, lets meet up! But we never seem to get around to it and drift apart again, they have their own circle of friends, and I feel a bit of an odd ball. I just want to somehow break this cycle of… whatever this is. For some reason I only seem to get along with guys, and meet guys (who always end up wanting to date, which is just not what I’m looking for) and I just feel very very lonely 🙁 Please, can someone help me? Thank you, sorry this is long! x

    October 7, 2013 at 9:59 am #43364
    John
    Participant

    Striking a balance between friends and romance is difficult especially when you find yourself getting along with members of the opposite sex.

    My advice would be to join a local club that reflects your interests – a book club, hiking, sports, discussion groups, etc. And don’t be afraid to let people know why you joined which makes for a great opportunity to say explicitly, “I’m definitely not here to pick-up or get picked-up.”

    Once other members hear that, they know where you stand and how to approach you.

    It may take some time before you find a group that meets regularly and with whom you click, but hopefully within a few weeks, you’ll make a connection with at least one or two people that will foster into a friendship beyond the group’s organized meetings. If you don’t find one right away, don’t be discouraged. Just remain open to saying “Yes! I’ll try that!”

    Best of luck and I hope your social circle grows exponentially! 🙂

    October 8, 2013 at 5:22 am #43420
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Participant

    Dear Grace,

    First of all I’d like to thank John for contributing with valuable advice. I was going to recommend the same thing. Why don’t you join a jewelry club somewhere in your local community or put up an add in your local supermarket? I think that would be a great idea to meet like-minded people.

    I have read several books about the topic as well. If you are interested in becoming super good at getting new friends, I’d recommend you to read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Amazing book with some points you can apply immediately.

    Last but not least I would advice you to watch the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. Even though it seems like a silly advice I think you can get some awesome inspiration from it.

    Best of luck,
    Anders Hasselstrøm

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