Started as past co-workers and friends. Blossomed into so much more and stayed that way for almost 17 months. We have both said “I love you”, have so much in common, respect one another, work very well together and have travelled well together. We also have good communication for the most part. I am also 15 years his senior. You would never know our age difference to look at us or all the activities we do.

Due to his extensive PTO time from work, he is able to take solo trips (which I encourage and feel is healthy for him to do in order get a worldly experience). He does not smoke, drink and he doesn’t like meeting new people so I’m not concerned about there being anyone else.  I have found him taking more solo trips than trips with me which was starting to make me wonder where I stood in his life. When I had confronted him on that, I think it scared him off. He said he doesn’t want a relationship, but everything we’ve been doing this whole time defines a relationship — talk every single day, hang out almost every weekend, he has belongings at my house, we spend holidays together, travel together, can be ourselves around each other. We’ve communicated to each other that neither of us has had something like this before, so easy and natural.

He says that he enjoyed everything we had because it wasn’t complicated until now. He doesn’t want to have to ask to go anywhere or do something.  I tried explaining that that’s not how all relationships are. He is very inexperienced when it comes to relationships and I have had a few plus one marriage. I learned from my past what is not healthy. He said he needed to figure things out. All in all I am so in love with him and who he is, I don’t know how to stop. I have given him his space and have not contacted him over the past few days this has happened.  I want to give him the space he needs to figure out what he needs in his life, but at the same time it is so painful for me. How do I stop loving him?