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I am DEAD inside

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  • August 27, 2017 at 6:11 am #165798
    EUNICE
    Participant

    Hello my name is Eunitrix and I am 23 and currently going through in tough time right now. I have been crying a lot because my parents and my sister will migrate to America without me. I admit I do have a hard time accepting this but I did something like saving up for myself and working for jobs that I do (half heartedly) for the sake of money. I was also angry at my sister because she keeps on mentioning about how terrible it is to live in America while she complains how terrible the government here in our mother country (I wish she’s more thankful because my mom mentioned all the possibilities and opportunities once she gets there sadly those are the things that I want). Trust me it’s not making me feel any better it’s just making me HATE her more because she did disrespectful things to me. An example of this was before we attend to a cosplay even in Los Angles my sister promised to help me in making all of the costumes but during the course of the process she would:

    1. Shut the doors on me (literally)

    2. She refuses to listen when I scold her for her wrong doing

    3. Walks on me like I’m a wind

    4. Refuses my service as a big sister to her

    5. She’s not even thankful to I do to her

    6. Refuse to do favors.

    7. I could hardly hang out with her (ex. She hates the beach because the sun will turn her dark WHAT THE F*CK)

    I told my mom about this but what she just told me is that I should understand her more since I’m the older sister. F*CK I almost got sick before our flight to USA, but did my sister dared to turn off her Korean drama, get up from the bed and help me? NO she shut the door on me (literally). I did lost my art because my mom said that I should fix my fashion taste and told my sister was good (I’m bored with their taste). As of now me and my sister talked occasionally but still we have this silent feud with each other.

    I just wish that they’re all more thankful that they’ll have a chance to live in another country instead of whining to my face of bad that country was.

    Right now I just need help on how to be positive despite this because occasionally I do have thoughts of ……………….. being dead. Thank you

    August 27, 2017 at 7:45 am #165898
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eunitrix:

    I understand that you feel much anger at your sister. I didn’t understand though: why are you not migrating to the U.S. with your mother and sister, why are they leaving without you…? And when?

    anita

    August 28, 2017 at 12:12 am #165954
    EUNICE
    Participant

    To Anita,

    I cannot migrate to USA because: 1. I am overage (I’m over 21) 2. I think my mom is waiting for my sister to finish college here in our country which caused me to pass the age limit. 3. I do not know my mom’s reason why she’s delaying the passing of documents to the point it reached my expiration date. 4. They want me to do business here for practicality purposes (I’m crying because of this, because this is her dream not my dream and to save something valuable.) 3. In 5 years time they’ll migrate. 5. I can’t stop crying to the fact that I cannot marry while I’m on petition (I wish I could’ve left my values and have sex since I will the the only one left here.)

    August 28, 2017 at 8:56 am #165986
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eunitrix:

    You wrote at the end of your original post: “I just need help on how to be positive despite this”- well, it is impossible to be positive when you are as angry as you are. Reads to me that you feel like your sister is a first priority in your mother’s choices, like she is more important than you and that is why your mother waited for her to finish college even though it made you too old for the petition.

    You feel lots of anger toward your younger sister. I don’t know if she has wronged you reading your examples. When you wrote: “She refuses to listen when I scold her for her wrong doing”- why should she listen when you scold her? You shouldn’t be scolding her.

    Somehow your anger needs to be resolved.

    I wish you had better communication with your mother. It seems to me that your mother’s choices and priorities brought about your anger more than your sister’s choices, don’t you think?

    anita

    August 29, 2017 at 5:44 am #166048
    Marie
    Participant

    I understand your anger but remember  your success in your life is in your hand. Work hard and gain more knowledge.

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