July 7, 2020 at 5:17 pm #360975
I came to visit family in my home town. While i was sitting on a couch, my mind came up with a question “what if i am gay?”. I started paniciing and started losing myself. I cried a lot and couldn’t handle it. I was searching up on google, did tests tests and many more things just to make sure that it ain’t the truth. I was always an paranoid person and i had thoughts about cancer and viruses but it never naused me this much obsession. While this was going on, my aunt was helping me cope with this. At one point, another question came up to me all of a sudden. I was scared that i might actually like my aunt. I obsessed about it too but then the thought of being gay came up again. I avoided any contact with males. I avoided listening to certain music or act normally cuz i thought it was “too gay”. Sometimes it even went to extreme with making me feel physical pain. I can forget about it and act normally for a few days but then i wake up because of panic attacks. When i woke up the first thought was what if i am gay? I am alowly beginning to cope with this after researching about HOCD but it still comes up again and makes me feel sad and stressed. I am scared to take diagnosis because of possibility that i might turn out that i am gay. It does not concern me at night when i am about to fall asleep but it is the first thought when i wake up. If anyone knows how to stop this please tell me. I seek help and advice. Sorry for misspelling and bad english. I am on phone and english is not my native language. Thank you in advanceJuly 7, 2020 at 5:38 pm #360977
“my mind came up with a question ‘what if I am gay?’ I started panicking”. What scared you so much was a thought.
Before the thought above, “I had thoughts about cancer and viruses”. What scared you before, were thoughts.
“At one point, another question came up to me.. I might actually like my aunt”. What scared you was, again, a thought, that you may like your aunt sexually.
What scares a person with OCD are thoughts. If you understand, truly, deeply understand, that thoughts are not dangerous, you will no longer be afraid of thoughts and will no longer suffer from OCD. I don’t know if you are able to understand this concept. I finally did.
I finally understood that whatever thought happened in my brain was of no consequence: no one can read my mind, (if someone could, they wouldn’t want to spend their time reading my mind, they have their own many, many thoughts). No one knows about my thoughts unless I act (express my thoughts by talking, writing, typing, etc.)
A thought is a very short-term mental activity that is invisible and it has no power, it is powerless. So you think it, whatever it is, and .. nothing happens, no one knows, no one is angry with you for thinking anything.
You can think anything, you can think: I am an elephant- but the thought doesn’t make you an elephant, you don’t even get to grow a trunk.
anitaJuly 7, 2020 at 5:47 pm #360978
Yes while i was researching i came to a post that said the same that you just did. I think that it will take me some time to understand it clearly but i get what you are saying. Thank you so much for your help anita. You helped many overcome their problems! You are an great person. Again, thank you for being there for most of us here! I will post again if i come up with similar issue.July 7, 2020 at 6:23 pm #360979
You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. Next time when a thought scares you, take a slow, easy breath, and tell yourself: this is just a thought. It is not dangerous. No one knows what I think. No one can take my thought out of my head and magically make it a reality. I can think anything and nothing will happen just because I think it. My thoughts have no power, no power at all.
And do post again anytime.
July 8, 2020 at 11:51 am #361047
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by anita.
I would like to inform you that my fears are slowly going away. I reunited with my male friends today and had h great time, all thanks to you. I am am really thankful that you decided to help me! That is all i had to say. Thank you and sorry for wasting your time!July 8, 2020 at 12:48 pm #361054
You are welcome, and you did not waste my time. I am glad to read that you reunited with your male friends today.
anitaJuly 9, 2020 at 2:34 pm #361197
many of my old paranoias are coming back. I am am trying to beat them using your advice, but i genuinely feel unsafe of my surrondings. With all this corona stuff and new demonstrations starting in Serbia, i can’t help but feel unsafe. Those paranoias are again causing me distress and fear. I know that they are just thoughts but imfelt like i needed to talk with someone. It would be great if you are open to talk right now.July 9, 2020 at 2:35 pm #361198
many of my old paranoias are coming back. I am am trying to beat them using your advice, but i genuinely feel unsafe of my surrondings. With all this corona stuff and new demonstrations starting in Serbia, i can’t help but feel unsafe. Those paranoias are again causing me distress and fear. I know that they are just thoughts but i felt like i needed to talk with someone. It would be great if you are open to talk right now.
July 9, 2020 at 3:09 pm #361200
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Stefan.
I read about the demonstrations in Belgrade, Serbia, people demonstrating against lockdowns, and continuing to demonstrate (3rd day in a row, correct?) even though the president backtracked on his lockdown plan. My goodness! I understand how this is not helping your anxiety, how it is causing you distress and fear.
I wish the situation was different, I wish the world was safer. But the world has never been safe for any of us, this is not the nature of life. The best we can do is minimize the dangers for us, be cautious, pay attention, make wise choices.
Keep yourself safe best you can, pay attention, choose well. Take care of your emotional health best you can. Plan a daily routine for yourself, to include daily exercise, listening to guided meditations three times a day, taking an afternoon nap perhaps. Make your personal life as predictable as possible, to counter the unpredictability around you. Can you do that, today?
anitaJuly 9, 2020 at 3:19 pm #361201
it is past midnight here in Serbia. I am also scared for safety of my family that lives closer to demonstrations. I do not live in belgrade, but people are alanning demonstrations here as well. There are plenty of patrols. I may try to meditate but idon’t think about napping. I am never sleepy that much but i will indeed try to maintain healthy mental health. It just feels weird when i go for a walk. People also tries to kidnap my brother. I had coronavirus so that does not scare me much. Thank you for taking your time!July 9, 2020 at 3:29 pm #361202
You are welcome. It is almost half past midnight your time. I do hope you fall asleep soon (maybe you are already asleep as I type this). Best of course to stay away from the streets when demonstrations take place. If naps don’t work for you during the day, maybe lying down awake, listening to calming music will work for you. You were sick with the coronavirus? When you get a chance, will you tell me how it felt, what your experience was like, being sick with the coronavirus?
anitaJuly 9, 2020 at 3:44 pm #361204
Well… I expirienced mild symptoms and i was home treated. I could not breathe at night because of it and expirienced constant headaches. I wanted to cough it out but i could not. It was hard to fall asleep. I never mntioned, i am fairly young, below 18. I had strong imune system but it still felt like i would die from headaches. Before we were tested for corona, we went to store. My country stated that stores had to turn off off ventila system. My grandma collapsed in atore. We were luckily wearing masks while in store. Covid was painful and i had to go through quarantine. But my grandma felt most pain. She constantly felt like she would collapse. But i now have covid antibodies in me. If you want to learn anything more, i am open for talk as i fall asleep fairly late.July 9, 2020 at 3:56 pm #361205
You are the first person who had Covid-19 that I communicate with, the first! Your grandmother also had it? Is she okay, being much older than you?
I wonder: did you ever have the flu, and was Covid-19 worse than the flu, for you?
I bet you were afraid while sick with the virus the whole world is afraid of.. and you survived the virus and the fear.
anitaJuly 9, 2020 at 4:09 pm #361206
I never had flu. It was indeed scary but it felt like really worse cold to me. I have known people who died because of it but i got it from my aunt. I was awake ’till 6am. My grandmother was okay because of her healthy lifestile. My grandma had chronic dissease but she made it and is okay now. We all had trouble breathing but we did not not complain. We did not leave house, ofcourse but we could leave to our yard. Well actually, there may have been three ways that we got sick. Firdt one, my uncle from mother’s side just got back from germany, second my aunt(my uncle’s from father’s side) got sick from it too. Third way was that my grand-grandfather recently went to hospital because of stroke. He died at home. Well, if i had to compare it it w cold, it was indeed worse and longer. You had times then you were extemly sick and times where you were not as sick. I don’t know other peoples’ expirience, but that is how it went for me. Contact me if you had more questions.July 9, 2020 at 4:21 pm #361207
Thank you for sharing your and your family experience with Covid-19, and for inviting me to ask you more questions- that’s very kind of you!
I find the personal information you shared about the disease fascinating, and I do want to know more. But it’s 1:18 am, Friday, your time, better you go to sleep. I am going to go for my daily walk (it’s 4:18 pm, Thursday, my time). I know that I will have more questions for you when I am back to the computer in about 14 hours from now, it will be after 6 am my time and 3 pm your time. Good night, Stefan. Again, I appreciate your kindness and generosity!