Menu

I am scared of myself?

HomeForumsTough TimesI am scared of myself?

New Reply
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #54610
    Rebecca
    Participant

    Hello all
    I am going through a tough time at the moment. I have had anxiety problems for a long time and whilst I have counselling for some of my fears one of my major problems cannot be done simply though counselling but has to be done by belief in me. The problem is I dont have any confidence in myslef! All my major fears are fears that I would induce upon myself. Things that are under MY control and thats what scares me. I don’t feel like im responsible enough to be allowed to control my body. It scares me that I have a choice over my actions. My biggest fear which is casuing me the most problems is a fear of paralysing myself. I fear that by concentrating constantly on my movements as I do that I will not be able to do them. I fear when I close my eyes at night that I will not be able to open them again. It is basically a fear of being trapped within my own body and mind with no escape. Others would say “that is silly if I wanted to move I would!” But I cannot convince myself of this I jut always have a “what if” reply. Its almost like a duel in my head. I say well ok say I did not want to sing. Then I think in my head SING SING SING and yet I do not because deep down I do not want to. I try to apply this to my other fears. If there i a piece of me that does not wish to do it I wont! But I still dont have faith in myself. I dont feel able to pilot my own body. Its almost like I want someone else to take the drving seat. But at the same time I dont its my body my experience on earth I want to be able to trust in myself. But I just cant. I overcomplicate many things in mind and im scared my constant overthinking is going to make me go mad – something i really fear. This coupled with my fear surrounding death and the meaning of life and the universe has sent me into a terrible state. I get up and my whole day is full of fear and questioning. Why do this? what is the point? why am i here? what if i do this? what if i do that? what if i go or am going mad? I look at people around me who go by daily buisness so easily and I sit here and want to scream at them why does no one think why we are here? what happens when we die? I just feel so trapped. Confined within my own body scared of myself, scared of the world scared of death there just seems no escape. This combined with the pending a level exams that I cannot revise for because my fears and questions overule my attempts is sending me spiralling into the worst place I think I have ever been with my anxiety. Please can anyone offer me any advice or guidance. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you

    #54615
    Alice
    Participant

    Hi Rebecca,

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such bad times at the moment.

    I’ve actually experienced similar feelings – I’d call it a kind of existential anxiety – and it was very hard at the time. I was afraid of living, because I never thought I’d get better. Everything seemed pointless, scary, bizarre and arbitrary. I was afraid because I was in charge of a life – i.e. my own! – and felt completely ill-equipped to deal with this responsibility. I remember feeling utterly claustrophobic in my own body and mind too.

    I don’t have these feelings any more, and I really do believe you can get past them too! 🙂

    I did a lot of searching for answers and managed to find helpful resources; one was a book by Claire Weekes called Essential Help for Your Nerves (the language is a bit old fashioned, but that’s OK!). Another book was by a guy called Paul David called A Life at Last (this is actually referenced in one of the articles on TinyBuddha).

    These books were extremely helpful to me. The basically advise accepting your feelings completely, because trying to fight anxious thoughts will only make them stronger. The constant stress this puts your body under makes you more susceptible to anxiety, and you find yourself in a vicious circle.

    It’s also important not to be afraid of what you’re thinking. Allow yourself to think whatever you want – it’s only a thought! – and then try to continue with your daily life as best you can. It really does help to engage in activity because it pulls your mind away from constant ruminating, and ruminating is the least helpful thing you can do!
    Trying to stop your thoughts is hard, but you can replace them with other thoughts to take up your focus.

    I’d also recommend looking into mindfulness; in addition to acceptance, this includes an element of approaching your thoughts and feelings with curiosity and open-mindedness instead of shrinking from them. This is useful as it helps take the fear out of what you’re experiencing.

    Trying to stay in the present moment is also a great help – maybe finding some guided meditations online would be an idea.

    At the moment, you’ll be sensitive to anxiety so be patient with yourself too. It took me time to get over my worst period of anxiety because it became a habit; I was so used to feeling anxious that peace was unfamiliar and took time to accept and get used to again – but it did happen!

    My anxiety came about because of life events and, I think, suppressing certain feelings over a long time. Acknowledging and addressing this also helped me. Trying to cultivate the kind of life you want will help – I understand that this may be unimaginable at the moment given your fears, but writing some things down may help. Even if it’s just ‘I want to be at peace’, that’s a start!

    Again, I really believe that you can get past your current anxiety, so don’t give up!

    Peace and all the best 🙂

    #54616
    Alice
    Participant

    (PS I meant to say, I do still have some spells of anxiety because it became such a habit, but they’re completely manageable and become less important each time.)

    #54619
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Rebecca, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I feel your pain when I read you. A. know that you are not alone. B. seems that you are doing something good already: therapy. I would like to suggest things but could you be more specifc in regards to these exams. i know for a fact that going through exams can be indeed paralysing but i just want to make sure we are on the same page so i can maybe give you some useful feedback. Hang in there Rebecca. Remember to breathe. i thought it was silly when people would tell me that until three months ago when I had such panic attack that i forgot how to breathe for a while. i was gasping for air in my own bedroom, windows opened, perfect morning… and otherwise healthy… so… yes i know what you are talking about when you say paralysis… with warmth, sandrine

    #54621
    Rebecca
    Participant

    Thank you Alice for your reply what you wrote is absolutely 100% how I feel! Your response helped me a great deal!
    Sandrine I do not think the anxiety is about exams I just think it isnt helping it hehe! Exams are what started my anxiety however, it was when I was doing my GCSEs had my first panic attack. I am ok with panic attacks now it is simply the anxiety that gets me down. You shouldn’t need to remember to breathe your body will do that for you! But I guess you mean just take time out to just breathe in your surroundings and calm down? thank you 🙂

    #54622
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hello Rebecca, I did not mean it by just take time out… and calm down. It would have been a bit insulting in my opinion if I did. You are correct. We should not have to remember to breathe. The fear of loosing control over my life, my freedom… the stress of not being heard, on the contrary being shut down became so overwhelming to me, that one morning, I woke up suffocating, panicked… Having to force myself to come back to my most essential core… since, I started to practice yoga and meditation. definite tools that are helping me, i go to therapy as well, i read, learn, make mistakes, fall down, get up and try to do it as quickly as possible.

    #54624
    Rebecca
    Participant

    Oh I see that sounds horrible I hope you are okay now are you better now? thats scared me quite a bit I really dont want that to happen to me

    #54640
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Yes, thank you. I am doing better. The last seven months were a rather challenging period in my life. I learned a lot in very little time. And the biggest lesson of all was accepting and understanding that it is a process. Changing a though process cannot be compared to changing a tire for instance… seemed obvious to me but i wasnt getting it in fact. I was staying on the superficial. If I do this, then i change… if i eat vegetarian, then i can control my life, if i don’t drink, then i will have control… , if i study hard…. and on and on… those are all intentions and yes they help but the problem remained…. and I kept on falling each time harder… I had no idea on how powerful and deep and tenacious this inner voice (i call it my dark creature). i had no idea on how convinced it wants me dead too! i hope i do not send too… off the wall but i do not know how to put it otherwise. It is a process that requires tools, good tools. my story is that when i was a child, i lost myself. it wasn’t my fault. things happen. we all have our stories. since i didn’t know, i understood the world the way a child does. I had to find explanations to what was going on in my life… And instead of giving power to my inner trust, my inner voice… I shut them off and did a pretty big mess in the wiring… and life went on… since I was living and understanding based on my set of imprints, I assumed everyone else had the same set… The older i got, the more alienating I felt, something must be wrong with me since we all have the same brains wiring that is… so if i don’t do well at school something wrong with me… if i can’t function or be happy, it is me… i had no idea that this child experience could have affected me in such way. no idea. the first time i heard about the notion of imprints, of how experiences (esp. traumatic or not) can and will leave deep, permanent systems/processes that we use in everyday life to understand our world… I am going on and on… sorry and may not make sense. i share this hoping something may resonate in you. sharing our experiences is powerful and goes both ways. it becomes a strength that we cannot find anywhere else. I found out (finally) on how some people can be disgusting and taking pleasure in seeing others suffer. I was naive. I trusted too much. And by confiding in them, I was giving them ammunition. They saw me as an easy target and since I was an easy target and they thrive on seeing someone fall… It almost killed me. But again, I can’t just point the finger. they think i am a freak because of these issues… the panics, the fears that keep me sometimes stuck in my apartment… They all judged me. I finally realized that in a way they are not my problem or my solution. The issue comes from within myself. I need to stop letting toxic people having their way with me. I am a good person. I have these issues, true but deep down there is someone worth and capable of many great things. I just need to go back in get the little girl and TRUST… the fear will finally go away. and whether or not i meet more people like the ones i mentioned here, i will never let them take so much of my spirit away. I am not the freak. They are. Rebecca, I wish you many very good things . Most of all, I hope you too can find your path. There is a belief in central america that when a person gets very suddenly scared, the fear is so great that the person looses its soul. It is understood as an illness and the person then in order to find her soul again, must work with a curandero, the one who will guide him back to the time when fear was not controlling him. He was in control. the illness is called “susto” which means the illness of fear. when i learned about it (I lived and worked as an anthropologist in guatemala) a light came on. what i was hearing sounded very familiar… I was controlled by fear. at some point, i got so scared that i lost my soul,myself… and i understood that my journey would be to find my spirit… I do not know you of course. I know nothing pretty much excxept for your post. but some of what you say resonates a lot,,, You too deserve peace and a life out of fear…

    #87095
    Andrew Lee Thompson
    Participant

    Thank you.

    #87467
    Dernell
    Participant

    I just want to start off, by saying Thank You! for posting Rebecca” and all of you”, who participate” in this…

    Maaan” this was really deep”…

    A few words for thought”

    SIMPLICITY”. -meaning less in life” is true” freedom/ no attachment to the physical/ material/ and the many random subconscious thoughts”.

    PERCEPTION”. -meaning all walks of life” have their own impression” of what the meaning of life” is to him or her… there is no wrong or right” answer… when it comes to the who/ what/ and whys… I believe” that no one truly knows”…It’s human nature for us to want to explore the unknown…

    And that maybe if we did know the truth”… It might not be what we want”…

    Example: what if, there is no real deep reason why we are here?…. Or maybe just because?…. only an example”…

    I believe to just let be”…for the reason that it’s way beyond” our understanding” as humans”…

    EXPERIENCE”. – That is life” which we are here”… and we are not in full control”… even life” has a unique crazy way showing us all this”… Just words for thought”..

    You are completely normal” what ever that is”… Much ( LOVE ) and time” heels all… ( SMILE ) it’s okay!

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Dernell.
    #170713
    Gagandeep Singh
    Participant

    dear all

     

    i am in same problem. sometimes i afraid from my own body that how its working and who is inside me that is controlling. i feel very disappointed and feel like there is nothing in this world. i have gone through many medical test but all were ok. now i request all of you kindly help me out from this thing.

    #170717
    Gagandeep Singh
    Participant

    hi

    #215129
    Avisek Agarwal
    Participant
    1. I feel the same here..
    2. I feel very trapped with my existence
    3. I just don’t understand the point of us being alive
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.