- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 7 months ago by CapriSun.
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May 10, 2014 at 10:47 am #56082EmmeParticipant
(TL;DR at bottom)
I once heard a quote that read something like, “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way, and if you don’t, then you’ll find an excuse.”
Those words, and words like them, have always stuck with me and upset my internal compass. (Or whatever it is that drives my motivations.)
I am an 18 year old girl who willingly spent her High School years being homeschooled, partly because I couldn’t stand traditional high school, and partly because I am very introverted and like solitude and independence.
This, however, has a downside, and that is isolation. Normally, I am okay with it, but lately it has been increasingly difficult. A two year relationship ended about 4 months ago, and my ex seems to have everything going for him. I am finishing up high school and I work weekends, so I’m not completely vacant, but I still feel that way.
Everyone around me does something they value with their time. They are in college with a great major, they have a ton of friends, they travel, they play in a band, they are youth activists and leaders.
And then there’s me. And I can’t so anything.
I say that because of that quote. I am the latter half. I find excuses. Every time. For example, I have always wanted to play music, but I “don’t know how to write songs” and “I can’t pick an instrument” and “nobody will ever hear it so why bother” and “it’ll never be as good as -insert one of my favorite bands-‘s stuff”. Same goes for stuff like art. I love art and drawing but I don’t feel like I care enough. There are others who care more. Maybe.
Then there’s a part of me that feels like the most important thing I can do is be intelligent. So I think I should go to college and get a medical degree. But then I feel like I’ll just be sad and stifled, and I’ll regret not pursuing art.
TL;DR: I am young and dumb, and I lack motivation or passion to do the things I think I want to. How do you know if you really want to do something?
-em
May 10, 2014 at 1:41 pm #56083RaphaelParticipantI feel the same
May 10, 2014 at 11:53 pm #56093AnonymousInactiveDear Emme,
You are young but not dumb – a little confused as is very normal for people stepping out of high school. Believe me, you arent alone in feeling lost. Some feel lost well into their twenties and some for a life-time. My point is, nothing in life is like “i have arrived and i have all the answers” – it might seem like everyone around us seems to have their answers, they seem to be doing so well and we dont have a freaking clue..well, you’re not alone. A lot feel this but they dont express it that honestly.
Now getting to the point of being homeschooled willingly and then facing more noticeable isolation after the break-up. Emme, i realize you are an introvert and we need our space to think and talk. Sometimes we go so much into this inner space that we ignore that one thing every human being actually needs – human contact. Even introverts need meaningful connections and i guess you’re missing that now. My point is, if you keep avoiding people because of your discomfort and fear, sticking to the known environment of your home, relying on that wonderful boyfriend to give you company and make you feel good, you’ll set yourself up for a life-time of insecurity and isolation. You’ll always feel a nagging sense of doubt about yourself and seeing your boyfriend being busy will bother you more than it usually should. You will see people around you seemingly have the time of their lives while you sit alone with these doubts.
Why do you think these doubts are there?
Because you arent focusing yet, you havent found your will to change your ways – running away from people and situations. running away from something the moment it stops being easy and fun will ensure that you hardly master it. Nothing in life is easy – but be serious about what you do. You will never ever get these years back and they should not be wasted with these excuses to yourself – you cant do it, you dont like it that much etc.
When you really like something, you do it not only because you enjoy but also stick around with it when it becomes hard to do. Do you know that some of the best violinists have put about 10,000 hours of practice? Do you know that some very average brained people have worked so hard, kept trying and established themselves – there are plenty around us.
I sucked at math in high school and was better at literature by default – until one day i decided “ok thats it. i am not stupid at math. i have to try, i can be smart at this” – 2 years down the line after a great deal of ups and downs and steady improvement, i did become good at that subject.
Emme, none of us entirely know our true abilities – we can only know a bit of what we like but simply liking something and magically finding success..believe me, this is real-life, not those 2-4 min movie scene where the protagonist trains after a defeat and becomes world champion. It takes months, years to get to something..
My question is – how much are you going to run away and take the easy way?
You go to medical school to be intelligent? i will tell you one thing. Being a doctor is not a joke – its a beautiful profession where you can often do meaningful things for people, change their lives, help them everyday. But med school is not a cake walk – be prepared for hard, hard work.
Dont think that art school will help you escape that hard work too. Art is not something you should take unless you are indeed passionate and have a creative gift or inclination for it. Ask yourself these questions after much honest reflection-
1) what are the things that make me happy?
2) for whom do i want to do these things?
3) where do i see myself in the next 5 years?These are questions that only you can answer. Its your life and you need to start!
– Moon
May 18, 2014 at 11:18 am #56479CapriSunParticipantDo what you want to do. Take some time to figure out what you like doing and why you like it. Try making some music or art before you commit to making that your life. Try writing a song or painting or drawing something. Go sing at an open mic somewhere, go to some concerts, go to an art gallery. Surround yourself and immerse yourself with it and see if its really what you have a passion for. And if it is, then take some time and decide how you want to do it.
I agree with you as well that intelligence, learning, and knowledge is one of the most important things you can strive for. But make sure that you are committed to going to college before you do it. Not just because it’s a lot of work, but because if you go into college with the mindset that you should be a doctor (or any other specific career), you may miss out on the pure joy and importance of learning.
I graduated from college 2 years ago and I can tell you, if there is one regret I have from my years there, it is that I spent too much time worrying about finishing assignments and passing tests than actually learning the material. If I had spent more time understanding and listening to my professors and peers, I would have learned so much more than I did just trying to pass tests, graduate and earn myself a piece of paper saying what I can do.
These two paths that you have for yourself are both wonderful opportunities and fantastic passions to have. But before you decide on one, take time to figure out why you want to do them and how they will fulfill your life. You will have ups and downs either way, and I’m sure you will do well with either one. Just don’t rush the decision. Take time to think it through first, and you will do well.
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