April 20, 2017 at 5:23 pm #146099
i am so sorry for my english , i am greek , i was with my boyfriend 3.5 years together, between greece and france , i was going every month and he was coming in the winter for weeks and after in the summer for 2 months , we loved each other out of limit , we was very comfortable , home , but the our erotic way was in different priorities , he always thought that our love is so sure and strong that nothing is matter , i could wait for him to finish he last beer after waiting him 10 hours in his work very time in all this years , he never said lets close and go i have my girlfriend here.. no.. he was working most of the time so i was on his work as i could , and we stay home when he was free because it was rare, i wasn’t happy , in Greece i was always in my computer talk with him never go out not happy without him , in France i wasn’t having normal life , working , living there for real, i wasn’t happy .. his love was making me happy , so sweet he was , but i was feeling that everything was bad so he was so good with me to not broke up . we start to fight almost all the time that we was together but never from far away, the fight became very big and strong screaming crying .. even in-front of friends.. the last year we lost both very close people, that this hurt us more , bring us together in pain and not happy , but we continue to fight .. i was thinking to broke up one per month for a year , i wasn’t happy ..
more deaths came . i started to feel in a dead end and after lot of pain i cancel my trip to france and after 2 week i told him to broke up .it was so difficult , we was crying and screaming for 9 hours on the phone .. passing through all the feelings.
the next day he had to accept my will, he ask me to not stop to talk , i ask him to respect what i want and we can talk for ever
since then we talk few messages every day ,he lost another person so we had very sad moments again .. 3 months now i cry every day . i love him but i wasn’t happy , and my heart is so broken, and he is so broken , during all day i am more strong , i found new job a move in another place i try to work all day to not stay alone but there is a moment that i cry so much
is so difficult , but i thing all this things that make me unhappy and i m getting so angry .. but i miss him so much and i m so sorry that he so sad and broken … i don’t know what to do .. i was thinking, that when u make someone, that u love ,happy, that u r happy too , but i could not continue to not care about me , to have me happy too . i don’t know if this love breaking with him was good.. i don’t know how to control my pain . his pain i feel so guilty making be alone, so alone , i feel that i can’t be with him , but thinking him alone like this broken it make me crazy , is so hard, i wanted to take care him , but i don’t wan to be with him , i love him so much but i don’t want him , i can’t stop to cry , my body is poisoned from my sadness , even if i have very nice way of living th moment that i am alone or if someone ask me how i am now that i broke up, i cry like crazy .. to anyone i can’t control my tears . i m so sorry that i write all this ,
thanks for the space : )April 20, 2017 at 8:41 pm #146109
Dear zacharaki Eirini:
You were unhappy with him and you are unhappy without him- makes me think of a song “can’t live with you, can’t live without you”, Celine Dion. You may find comfort in hearing it.
There were a lot of fighting, screaming and crying when in a relationship with him. Now there is only crying- that is progress of sorts, no fighting or screaming.
I hope your pain diminishes and that you find a man very compatible with you, a relationship with no fighting, no fighting at all- it is not necessary to fight.
It is much better that the two of you are not in a relationship and stay away from each other, much better than in a relationship, fighting.
anitaApril 21, 2017 at 5:35 am #146143
I totally understand you as I face quite the same situations these days. You can see my story here: http://tinybuddha.com/topic/my-ex-returned-when-i-started-being-happy-again/#post-146135
I had to end it, because of exactly as you said it: ‘i wanted to take care him , but i don’t wan to be with him , i love him so much but i don’t want him’
I still ove him and I do care, but the times he makes me cry and struggle are more that the times he makes me laugh.
It is the hardest thing, knowing a decision you make creates sadness to 2 people – him and yourself. I also feel miserable and in pieces these days. If though you read my story, you will see that I had managed after a long time, to feel happy again and relieved. So, there is hope believe me; after some time you will find yourself again and you will understand yourself and your needs better. It sounds selfish but is the only way to go forward on this life.
Keeping regular contact with him, as I used to do for almost 2 years after first break up, was after all a bad decision. It only makes the pain to keep more and does not allow to see clearly and from distance the situation. If you still talk, even if it seems completely awful to stop it, I think is the hardest but the best way to go. If you are meant to be together again, you will need this time to stay apart and distant to rebuild yourselves. I did not do it – my mistake – and led to more years of pain and frustration until I decided to cut contact in the end.
It will take time, I know, but I also know that good things are ahead. And after the pain, the good things will remain from this relationship.
I really wish you (and me!) courage and strength!