I was with my ex for almost three years. We had talked about marriage, living together, etc. I knew that we were arguing a lot but I truly thought it was something we could work through if I could just get him to open up to me. Instead what happened is he broke up with me and smashed my heart in the process. He told me that it was because he didn’t love me, he didn’t see the relationship going anywhere, that I had been miserable for a long time and he was tired of me taking it out on him, and that as much as he cared for me he wanted to be able to see/sleep with other girls.

He was right about me being miserable. I had been struggling with depression and issues from that and he was right that i had been taking it out on him. The thing is that I had no idea until he told me about it! I knew I was unhappy but I thought I was handling it alright. I guess I was wrong. He broke up with me on August 30th. It’s been almost 2 months and I still hurt every single day. EVERY DAY. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that it hasn’t eaten away at me no matter how hard I try to get past it.

Despite how we broke up and how much it hurt I managed to completely go No Contact for two weeks. After that I sent him only 3 or 4 texts trying to arrange to meet up and exchange property. I also attempted 2 phone calls regarding the same topic. I always kept the contact short and light even though I was dying inside. I was invited to dinner by his best friends girl friend. I agreed to meet up with her and her boyfriend because i truly like them both. When I did meet up with my ex I asked him if it was ok for me to hang out with them and he told me it was. He then told his friend he wanted to know whenever we hung out together.

I continued to do No Contact with my ex even though his sister, mother, and friend’s girlfriend kept in touch with me. This past weekend I attempted to have a girls night with my friends. I went to a club he never went to except with me so I felt safe and let myself drink. Of course that night I ran into his cousin who kept telling me how no one in my ex’s family saw it coming and no one understood what had happened. I had to explain that I didn’t really understand it myself either.

Then after dancing with a guy I was walking away when I ran into my ex’s friend who admitted that my ex was there and that he was dancing with another girl. My ex came up to me then and we talked. I was so drunk I lost my censor and asked him if he’d been with other girls since we broke up. He said yes. I then asked if they were better than me and he said no. He was always very honest with me. And I KNOW I shouldn’t have asked him but again I was DRUNK. The bouncer came up and told us we had to leave the bar was closing and he put his arm around me and we walked out together. I remember hugging his friends, since i knew them all, and telling my ex not to be such a stranger. I remember asking him a bunch of times if he was ok and he kept asking me. I finally turned and walked away because I didn’t want to cry in front of him and it was to much for me.

His friends keep telling me he’s having a hard time, not handling it well by going out every weekend and getting demolished.

I love him with my whole heart still and I just want to feel better. I really don’t know what to think. Does he regret breaking up? Does he even care or miss me at all? He doesn’t call or text or anything at all. But at the same time what others are telling me is not the behavior of someone who is happy with their decision.

I don’t know if I’d take him back but every single day I hurt so much that it’s all i can do to function.

Please, someone, help.