I Can\'t Move On

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    Hi TinyBuddha,

    I love this site and kind of just wanted to throw ny story out there and see if anyone can help as I’ve come to a complete standstill.

    I’m an 18 year old girl and I’m having so much trouble with my relationship with an ex-partner (a girl who uses they/them pronouns – I’m gay). It’s a unique story so bear with. We met online a few years ago in a community and really hit it off as we were both people with similar pasts of severe mental illness both in ourselves and our families. I’d never found anybody before who I felt understood my experiences. We had both suffered from suicidal feelings for years. Not the best basis for a relationship, I know, but we fell in love. It was warm and positive and wonderful. I’ll be blunt, it gave me a reason to want to be alive for the first time. I went to meet them in America (I’m from the UK) and it was brilliant. We then started running into problems a few months later. They came to see me. The romantic feelings were the but it wasn’t quite right. By the time I went to stay with them again for two months, they broke up with me, although we had an intense, flip-flopping between platonic and romantic friendship. Go figure, over this time and onwards my partner was figuring out with therapy they had been through child sexual abuse and were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I have just come back from spending summer with them. It has been a confusing and tumultuous friendship but we are finally over for good. Of course, as you might’ve surmised, my feelings still remain in full-force, and I’m beginning to struggle immensely as my ex is looking at having casual relationships again. We have a very open and good relationship and we mean the world to each other but, as I say, I’ve come to a standstill. The prospect of them being with someone else is unbearably painful for me, as is the concept of cutting them out of my life. Through all this I continue to struggle with extreme suicidal feelings and they remain my light, as far as I’ve come and as many other goals and hobbies I love that I have. I’ve gotten myself into quite the pickle. I know I need some good therapy which I hope to get next year (I had help for years in the past but my psychologist unfortunately wasn’t any good). I have an illness that desparately needs to be treated and I’m sure people may rightfully say I need a break from this person until my feelings subside or to cut them from my life. I know what I should probably do but I feel lost and utterly afraid and so, so scared of the pain. I wanted to at least put my feelings somewhere. I subscribe to the practices of Buddhism and they have improved my quality of live sevenfold. But for some reason, now, I just can’t let go of anything – my feelings, my want to have this exlusive relationship still in some form… I absolutely want my ex to be happy and would NEVER stand in their way. But they’re also my best friend. I’m just so scared of everything and I deal with everything so well these days, even living with extreme depression itself, but this one problem has me in a vice. It makes me so scared to keep living and wonder what the point is.


    Dear bc1010:

    You didn’t ask a question of asked for input- or did I miss it? (Too close to my bedtime and I am tired)…

    If your purpose is to vent, do post again here anytime and vent, express yourself. If you would like input, please let me know.

    At 18, I am wondering, are you still in high school? Living with your parents…? I wonder what your home life is like and what are your future plans. If you’d like to share, that is.

    (Be back to the computer tomorrow morning, in about 10 hours).



    Dear anita

    I certainly appreciate any input or advice. I homeschool myself as of a few years ago as I became too depressed to continue with conventional schooling, though this has worked much better for me grades-wise. I live with my parents though I travel much of the year. Home is a frankly horrible environment. My father is severely depressed, I have a very bad relationship with my mum and they have a very bad relationship with each other. I try to get away as much as possible. We live in France right now and I should be starting uni in the UK next year which I look forward to a lot in the few times I don’t feel too dark about the future.

    Thanks for the response!


    Dear B:

    You know, do you, that you were not born suicidal and otherwise troubled, that it is not at all likely to be a genetic thing? We are formed in childhood as a direct result of our relationships with our care takers and their relationship with each other as we experience it by proxy. Our childhood years are called our Formative Years because our brains are formed during those years.

    Safety in childhood in necessary to be healthy then and as an adult. Unfortunately, safety was not the reality of your childhood and so trouble for you started.

    I sure hope you do move out and study in the UK, away from your parents very soon.

    I re-read your original post. You wrote there: “I’m sure people may rightfully say I need a break from this person until my feelings subside or to cut them from my life.” You were referring to the young woman you’ve been involved with on and off.

    Do you think you need a break from your parents? I mean, to permanently live on your own- as soon as possible- having limited or no contact with them? For your own mental health..?



    Hi B,

    I feel your pain – it is very difficult when love is not returned!

    As difficult as it is, the only thing in your control is to “TRY” to let go of the person. Sometimes, people come into our lives and we share a bond with them unlike any other, but if the Universe decides it is not the right way forward then separation occurs!!

    If it is truly meant to be, the other person will come back into your life – if not, you are still very young and the Universe will find someone even better for you.

    DO NOT give up – everything will work out – your job is to take it ‘one day at a time’ till you come into your good times.

    Web links do not show up in posts anymore but here is the link to a song I love:

    If it doesn’t show above, it is called ‘You are loved’ by Josh Groban – please listen to it.

    I pray your angels guide you forward – wishing you much peace and happiness.

    GOD bless!

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